Adopted
by lordkage
Summary: Naruto gets adopted by a strange group that consists of a shark man, a creepy snake lover, and a puppet maker.
1. Adoption

The battle was over. The Fourth Hokage, Lord Minato Kamikaze had just sealed away Kyuubi no Kitsune, the world's strongest Bijuu, whose name was enough to stir fear in a Kage. And where had he sealed it?

Right into his son, Uzumaki Naruto. The boy lay on the ground, sleeping, twitching every now and then, trying to control the tailed beast. His mother lay next to him, blood spilling from her mouth. She was dead, and so was Konoha's Yellow Flash.

A man with orange hair and random piercings every where so he could look cool picked up the small child. Next to him a random woman started folding and unfolding a random paper crane for absolutely no fucking reason.

"He's the one." said the man. "He will be of great importance to us."

"Are you sure, Nagato?" asked the woman.

Nagato opened his mouth to answer, but was cut of, when he saw shuriken shooting towards them. Their source was an old man dressed in black armour, with a look of pure fury on his face.

"I won't let you take Naruto!" He screamed.

As the shuriken whirled towards Nagato, he lifted his arm and said. "Shinra Tensei (Almight Push-lol, that sounds wrong).

The Third Hokage and his shuriken went sailing back through the village.

"Zetsu!" called Nagato.

"Yes, sir?"

"Take us back to base."

"You've got to be kidding."

"No Sasori, this is not a joke."

"Seriously, what does a bad ass criminal like me have to do with a stupid kid."

"This is not an ordinary kid. He is the jinchurikki of the Kyuubi."

"Kukukukuku, what fun we can have together."

"Orochimaru, wipe that creepy ass smile off your face, you ugly snake."

"Kakuzu, would you care to fucking repeat what you just said."

"Both of you shut the fuck up."

"What are you going to call him?" asked Kisame.

Nagato thought for a while. "How about…Uzumaki Yahiko."


	2. Swords, Puppets, and Snakes

It had been four years since Pain had kidnapped (or as he considered it 'adopted') Yahiko. Yahiko was still quite small, and everyone was at least twice his height (Kisame was three times his height). His life had been fun so far; he liked everyone in the Akatsuki, except Orochimaru, the creepy creep. All of them pretended they disliked him, except Konan, who had always wanted a child, but could not find anyone to fuck. But the truth was they all liked him, and showed their affections in different ways. Pain got him cake once a month, Kisame put on a shark show for him, Sasori put on a puppetry show for him (not with his actual puppets, that would give Orochimaru nightmares). Then it happened.

One day, a random man tried to stab Yahiko. It was one of Hanzo's 'buddies' aka slaves. The man swung his katana randomly and started chasing after Yahiko. Luckily Zetsu saw what was happening and ate the man while he was running. After the incident, all the Akatsuki unanimously agreed that Yahiko needed lessons.

They also decided that Yahiko was a stupid name, and he should be called something different.

"Dango." said Orochimaru. "Let's call him Dango."

"Bob." said Sasori, at which everyone looked at him. "What?" he said. "It is cool to say Bob."

"Money." said Kakuzu.

 _What the fuck are these idiots saying?_ though Konan.

"Maybe," said Zetsu. "We should call him what his parents named him. Naruto."

"Isn't Naruto a food?" asked Orochimaru's partner, who no one cares about.

He got ignored.

Naruto's training began the next day. First up was kenjutsu (sword stuff) with Kisame. Kisame picked up his sword Samehada, and said to Naruto. "This is a sword."

"No duh" commented Zetsu.

"Fuck off."

Kisame handed Naruto a long, thin, sword, which was twice his height.

"Kisame-sama, I think this is too big for me."

"No duh" commented Zetsu.

"Fuck off."

Kisame handed Naruto a shorter sword, and they began training. First, Kisame had Naruto swing the sword around in a circle for a half hour to improve his arm strength. After a bunch of stabbing Zetsu clone exercises, Kisame created a water clone, and said, "Naruto, fight this. Hit it once, and you win."

The water clone swung the fake Samehada at Naruto, who managed to duck just in time. He tried to stab the clone, but it blocked and kicked Naruto in the face. It slashed at Naruto in the air, who managed to block, then, he accidentally dropped his sword on the clone. The clone who did not expect that exploded in a spray of water. Kisame smiled (if you could call it that), and said, "Go see Sasori. He has a puppetry lesson for you."

Naruto proudly raced to see Sasori. Sasori was dying his floor red with the blood of White Zetsu clones.

"Hey, Satori niisan! What are you doing?"

"Hi Naruto. I'm doing a little interior decoration."

"Let's start the lesson."

"First things first. What do you know about puppets and puppeteers?" asked Sasori.

Naruto raised his hand.

Sasori sighed. "Naruto you don't need to raise your hand. You are the only student here."

"Oh! Okay, I know all the puppeteers come from the Hidden Sand, and you are the best."

"Correct!" smiled Sasori. "Now today, I will teach you how to make your own puppets. You must know how to this, because that is the only way your puppets will be personalized.

Naruto stuck a bunch of wood together, to make a shape that looked like a paper crane. He attached some wings to it, and stuck random swords and shuriken everywhere. He then stuck two kunai in the eyes.

"I call him…Tsuru!"

"Um… okay. Now battle my own invention, Tora."

Sasori attached strings to Tora, and sent it at Naruto. Naruto got tangled up in the strings, and Tsuru randomly spun, and sent kunai everywhere. Tora spat out shuriken that struck Tsuru in just the right areas, and the bird collapsed.

"Awwww!" said Naruto.

"Um… that was pretty good." said Sasori. "Now go along to Orochimaru for your ninjutsu training."

"But…Orochimaru is a creepy gay pervert." whined Naruto.

"I know, but he is the best at ninjutsu out of all of us."

Naruto slowly trudged along to Orochimaru's laboratory. On the wall, there were the hearts of random people, and Orochimaru was feeding someone's liver to his snakes.

"Ah, hello, Naruto-kun. Kukukukukukukukukuku…."

 _What the actual fuck is this guy?_ thought Naruto fearfully.

"NInjutsu is the strongest of the ninja arts, and it is none other than I, Orochimaru, the Snake Sage of the Sannin who will teach you. Kukukukukuku…."

 _Why does he end every sentence with Kukukukukuku?_ thought Naruto.

"First, we will practice chakra control, which is key to all techniques of ninjutsu. You will climb up that tree in the garden, using just your feet. You must maintain perfect constant chakra. Too much, and you will be rejected from the surface. To little, and you won't hang on. Kukukukukukukukuku…."

And so began Naruto's chakra control exercises. He spent about 45 minutes practicing the tree exercise, and finally completed it.

"Well done Naruto-kun." hissed Orochimaru, "Now, my snakes will pursue around this garden. Try and escape from them. Have fun! Kukukukukukukuku…"

Orochimaru left the garden and Naruto sighed in relief. His relief was however, short-lived. A large snake came out and hissed, "My name is Manda bitch, and I'm here to eat you."

"Fuck you Orochimaru!" screamed Naruto.


	3. More Snakes and A New Member

After a gruelling session of evading Orochimaru's goddamn snake, Naruto was ready to collapse. Luckily, lunch was next, and Naruto was hangry (angry because of a snake lover, and hungry because of the said snake lover's pet snake).

Naruto sat down at the long table reserved for members of the Akatsuki. Others came in, Kisame swinging his sword, Konan riding a really big paper crane, Orochimaru popping out of a snake's mouth, Sasori riding a puppet banana (why a banana? I don't know).

"Dinner is served." said White Zetsu, singing as he placed platters of food on the table.

"Um, White Zetsu, it's fucking lunch time, bitch! Stop embarrassing us!" screamed Black Zetsu.

"I like dango." said Kakuzu randomly. Then, he blushed when he realised everyone was looking at him.

Pain cleared his throat. "Let us beg-" He stopped when he noticed Sasori already eating.

Sasori looked up. "What?"

Pain shook his head, and finished his speech "There is a time for conversation, but it is not now. Tuck in!"

"Um, Pain" began Kisame. "You're not motherfucking Dumbledore."

Pain began crying "Harry Potter was so good! But then Dumbledore died!"

 _Why are these people so weird?_ thought Samehada to itself.

"Hey Pain!" screamed Naruto. "What is my next lesson?"

Pain glowered at Naruto. "History of the shinobi world. I'm the teacher."

"Let's go!"

"Before the creation of the shinobi villages, all clans were separate factions. Daimyos and lords hired clans to fight their enemies. Of these clans, two were the strongest. The Senju clan of the Forest, and the Uchiha Clan of the Mirror Wheel Eye. Whenever one lord hired one of those clans, the rival lord hired the other clan. There was great bloodshed between the two clans. But a friendship ended all of that. The two friends were Hashirama Senju, Shodai Hokage, and Uchiha Madara. …Their friendship led to an alliance between Senju and Uchiha, which led to the formation of the village hidden in the leaves, Konohagakure."

Pain said the word "Konohagakure" with distaste in his voice. But it was understandable. His life had been destroyed by a war waged by the Hidden Leaf. Of course, since Naruto was a kid, he didn't realise Pain's pain.

"Next class, you will have a quiz." said Pain.

Naruto's face fell, and he said "Fuck."

"Run along to Orochimaru. He will teach you taijutsu."

"Double fuck."

"Ah, Naruto-kun. Good to see you again. Kukukukukuku…"

Naruto just glared at him.

"Now, I will be teaching you taijutsu. Specifically, the Hebi style, also known as the Serpent style. Let me demonstrate. Zetsu clone, come at me, bitch. Kukukukukukuku…."

Zetsu clone 1 charged at Orochimaru from the front, Zetsu clone 2 came from the back, and Zetsu clone 3 charged from his right flank.

Orochimaru sort of wrapped his body around their weapons resulting in two clones to stab each other. Then, he took down the last clone with a quick kick to the face.

"The Hebi style involves snaking yourself around weapons and attacks, and with quick kicks and jabs. Kukukukukukukuku…"

Orochimaru corrected Naruto's stance, and Naruto shuddered at the snakefucker's touch. Eventually, he got the stance, and began practicing his punches and kicks as fast and as lethal as he could.

At the end of the lesson, Orochimaru set a Zetsu clone after Naruto. The clone came at him with a right handed hand chop. Naruto blocked, and kicked the clone in the balls. Immediately, he fell to the ground roaring in pain.

Orochimaru laughed, then dismissed Naruto for his lesson with Konan. Which was origami. Since she said, "A little boy shouldn't be exposed to so much violence, assholes! Origami will let him embrace his inner paper."

I'm not going to explain that lesson, so sorry if you wanted to learn to fold a paper crane.

Two years later…. at an Akatsuki meeting…

Pain cleared his throat "Attention fellow S-rank criminals! We are here to welcome a new member, and also have some good news. All the Uchiha clan have been slaughtered! Now Konoha is powerless!"

"But before we celebrate, let's introduce ourselves to our new member. Hi, I'm Pain, and I like causing pain."

"Hi, I'm Orochimaru, and I like experimenting on people. Kukukukukuku…"

"Hi, I'm Sasori, and I like dying the sand red with my enemy's blood."

"Hi, I'm Kakuzu, and I like money."

"Hi, I'm Kisame, and I like slice people to bits with my friend Samehada. Also I will be your new partner."

"Hi, I'm Konan, and I like origami."

"Hi, I'm Zetsu, and I like eating people."

Pain asked, "What's your name, kid?"

"Uchiha. Itachi."


	4. S-Rank Mission

Over the years, Naruto began learning more about other things from Itachi, such as genjutsu and the Blitz Kick taijutsu. Over, time Naruto became proficient in all his subjects, from kenjutsu to puppetry to origami. He discovered his ninjutsu affinities were wind, fire, and lightning. He had learned several other techniques as well, including several doppleganger techniques, and some invented by Itachi.. The only subject he was still struggling with was history. Naruto got every question wrong. For example:

Name the Three Great Shinobi of the Leaf.

Answer: Orochimaru, Itachi, Zetsu?

Name the five great shinobi villages.

Answer: Takigakure, Uzioshigakure, Kusagakure, Otogakure, and Amegakure?

As you can see, Naruto completely failed all his tests and got a zero. Except for one time. His answers were so stupid, that he somehow got -5%.

But, in all other subjects, Naruto was acing them. Thus, the Akatsuki decided he was ready for a mission. An S-rank mission.

"Okay, Naruto." said Pain. "You have a mission."

"Really?" asked Naruto, grinning. He had been pestering Pain for years for a mission, but all of them were too hard.

"It's S-rank, so be careful. You are going to invade Nami no Kuni (Land of Waves) and assassinate Gato, a tyrant who is destroying the lives of people there." Pain snarled.

"Why is it S-rank?" asked Naruto.

It was Kisame who spoke this time. "There are several nukenin hired by Gato. And one of them is a member of Kiri no Shinobi Gatana Shichinin Shu (Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist). Raiga Kurosuki, wielder of the twin blades Kiba.

"Thus, we have given you a partner. He will observe you on your mission. It is….drumroll please."

Everyone at the table began drumming the table loudly.

"….Zetsu!"

"But WTF, Zetsu can't fight!" screamed Naruto, horrified.

"Yeah, that's why I'm sending him." said Pain. "He's good at infiltration/spying.

"Yeah, bitch." said Zetsu.

"Ok, let's go!" screamed Naruto.

 _Jeez, why does this kid go from horrified to excited in five seconds?_ thought Itachi.

Zetsu and Naruto set off to Nami no Kuni, unaware of the criminal they would meet there.

After a week of travels, Naruto and Zetsu came upon an onsen, and saw a dangerous criminal with white spiky hair peeking at bathing women. The man was chuckling to himself, as he wrote in a book.

"Zetsu", whispered Naruto. "Isn't that the book, Sasori was reading? Icha Icha?"

"Yup. Stop that perverted criminal."

"Excuse me." said Naruto.

The man turned around, and Naruto finished his hand seals. "Oiroke no Jutsu (Sexy Jutsu). He turned into a super sexy naked woman, and the author of Icha Icha fainted from a really big nosebleed.

"If I'm not mistaken, that's Jiraiya the Toad Sage of the Sannin." said Zetsu. "Let's rob him."

"Goddamn pervert." muttered Naruto, as he took a bunch of Jiraiya's scrolls.

Zetsu split into two, and White Zetsu took the scrolls back to Mt. Akatsuki, their secret hideout. Somehow no one realised that was where they where living, despite the obvious name.

Pain looked through the scrolls White Zetsu had gotten from Jiraiya. They were useful: Hiraishin scroll, Rasengan scroll, toad summoning scroll, Konoha's patrol routes, and most importantly, a copy of the next Icha Icha, which Sasori stole immediately.

"YES!" he and his puppets screamed.

Naruto went into Wave, pretending to be an orphan, which wasn't hard, since technically he was an orphan. He knew the Akatsuki had taken him after his parents died, but he didn't hold any grudges. The Akatsuki, no matter how evil they thought themselves, had taken good care of him.

Pushing away the thoughts, Naruto walked towards Gato's mansion, and saw how evil Gato was. Poor orphans ran around in the streets, so thin you could see their bones. A man was beating a woman, and no one gave a fuck.

"It's because of Gato." and old man whispered to him. "He destroyed our once prosperous country."

Naruto turned and asked the man the first thing that came to his mind. "What's your name?"

"My name is Tazuna. I am a bridge builder. Nami no Kuni was a very powerful nation at one time, for we held one of the strongest hidden ninja villages. Uzuioshigakure, the Village Hidden in the Whirlpools."

Naruto looked at Tazuna quizzically, and the old man continued. "The village had one of the four great clans of the ninja world. The Uzumaki. They were feared for their badass sealing techniques. In fact, ninja were so scared of them, that it took three great shinobi nations to defeat them. Iwa, Suna, Kiri teamed up on them, and so many ninja died. That's why Kiri and Suna are so weak today."

Naruto walked away contemplating what he had learned. He had never known he was part of the strongest clans. He was so focused, that he didn't notice the gray-haired man who was hiding a Sharingan behind a leaf forehead protector.

Naruto quickly slit the necks of the two sentries at the front with his kunai. They both fell to the floor, but Naruto was already gone.

Bajoto was 19 when he had come into Gato's bodyguard entourage. He was still nineteen, but had been promoted to Gato's elite bodyguard. His soldiers were supposed to be the strongest. So he was a little surprised when a random blonde twelve-year old started beating the shit out of his soldiers.

"Defensive formation." he yelled.

Immediately, the soldiers surrounded Bajoto and the door to Gato's room. With a sigh, the kid vanished, and reappeared behind Bajoto, and stabbed him in the back. Bajoto howled in pain, and his soldiers turned around, and tried to stab the kid, who exploded in a blast of smoke. Then most of the soldiers got stabbed in the back with katana, from a bunch of clones.

Naruto teleported into Gato's room, and saw the fatso sleeping in bed. Rage filled Naruto, as he lifted his katana, and tried to stab Gato. But, he shunshined out of the way, as lightning hit where he was before.

"Hello Uzumaki." hissed Raiga Kurosuki.


	5. The Stupid Joke and Leaf Ninja

"Nice to beat you." sneered Raiga.

Naruto looked at Raiga.

Raiga looked at Naruto.

Naruto looked back.

Raiga cleared his throat. "This is the part where you start laughing at my joke."

"What joke?"

"The one I just made."

"You made a joke?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah, idiot. "Nice to beat you." that was my joke."

"…"

"Start laughing, bitch." snarled Raiga.

"Why?"

"Because I made a joke."

"So?"

"You are supposed to laugh at funny jokes."

"But that joke wasn't funny."

"FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

That was when Gato woke up. He stared at the two shinobi in his bedroom, and immediately ran to the fire escape. Except it wasn't really running. He was kind of waddling like a penguin, the big fatass tyrant. Naruto was so focused on the A-rank nukenin in front of him, he didn't notice.

Raiga charged at Naruto swinging his two twin blades, KIba. Naruto hefted his katana, and deflected the two blades. He then formed twenty shadow clones without signs. The swordsman's eyes widened as he saw solid clones. "Interesting." he muttered. He rapidly performed hand seals, and yelled "Kirigakure no Jutsu (Art of Hidden Mist)." A thick mist permeated the air, and Naruto couldn't see a foot in front of him. He felt his clones dying, and he hastily formed hand seals. "Futon: Daitoppa (Wind Style: Great Breakthrough)!".

Suddenly, the mist disappeared, and Naruto saw that Raiga was fighting his last five clones. Naruto smiled and performed the new jutsu that Itachi had taught him. "Katsu." he said, and the clones exploded, sending Raiga crashing into the wall. Where he turned into a water. A water clone.

The real Raiga shot in, and sliced at Naruto with his swords; Naruto twisted to the side and managed to dodge. He used the wall as pushoff, and charged at Raiga, forming shadow clones. The clones yelled "Shunshin no Jutsu (Body Flicker Technique)!" and charged at Raiga from all sides. Raiga kicked out at one of them, smirking, which turned to a frown. The clone used Orochimaru's Hebi style to good use, and twisted out of the kick like a cobra, and head butted Raiga. As the man fell back, another clone kicked him in the back. As he was sent into the air, one clone shouted "Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu (Fire Style (no duh): Grand Fireball Technique!)", and another yelled "Futon: Kamaitachi no Jutsu (Wind Style: Wind Scythe Technique)!". The resulting fireball was as big as Tsunade's boobs. Raiga used the bird sign, and yelled "Suiton: Suiryuudan (Water Style: Water Dragon Missile)!"

Unfortunately for Raiga, a simple water technique can't stop a fire jutsu powered by a wind jutsu, and he got burned to bits. As a last resort, he threw several shuriken at Naruto, and to his surprise, they all hit him. Then, Naruto turned into a bunch of crows. Outside, the real Naruto picked up Gato's head, and waved it to the citizens of Wave. Again, he did not notice Sharingan no Kakashi. The ninja smiled for the first time since Godaime Hokage had taken power, and resolved to rescue his sensei's son.

Zetsu took the news of Naruto's success to Mt. Akatsuki, and Naruto began the journey home. However, his journey was cut short when a team of four ninja jumped in front of him. Directly in front of him was a man with silver hair, fingering a kunai. His headband covered his left eye, and engraved on the headband was the leaf of Konoha. On his right was a man with a black bowl cut, and caterpillars-no wait, thick bushy eyebrows-on his forehead. On the left side of the cyclops was a man who was smoking, and had a jagged beard. Behind the cyclops was a pretty woman, with red eyes, and black hair.

Naruto tensed. He didn't know about the other two, but he knew that the cyclops was an S-rank jounin, feared throughout the shinobi world as Sharingan no Kakashi, or Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi, the man who had copied a thousand jutsu. The eyebrow monster was Maito Gai, known as Konoha's Noble Blue Beast. He had an S-rank rating as well, because he was a BOSS. But his most dangerous weapon, was his eyebrows.

Naruto thought to himself _What the fuck are these leaf ninja doing here?_.

As if he had heard him talk, Gai said, "WE ARE HERE TO RESTORE YOUR YOUTH BY TAKING YOU BACK TO KONOHA, WHERE YOU CAN TEND YOUR DIMINISHING FLAMES OF YOUTH!"

"What?"

"What Gai means is that you, Uzumaki Naruto, will be returning to Konoha with us." offered Kakashi.

"Naruto will not be going with you." said a voice behind them.

Behind Naruto were two men in black cloaks with red clouds. Kakashi's eyes widened, as he recognised one of them as an S-rank nukenin from Konoha. Itachi. Uchiha. Next to him was a shark-like man, and if he was correct, that man was one of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist. Kismet Hoshigaki.

"Retreat!" yelled Kakashi, and his team sprang back. It was in vain however, as Itachi dashed forward, stabbing the other man, and Kisame sliced off the woman's head. However, at their deaths, Gai roared in rage, and forgot about Kakashi's orders.

"EIGHT INNER GATES, OPEN! SEVENTH GATE, GATE OF SHOCK!"

However, before he could finish his power up, Naruto placed a seal on him. It was a suppression seal, Kakashi noted. Few in Konoha could fix that. He picked up Gai, and began charging away. Naruto made to chase after him, but Itachi stopped him.

"Let him go. He will tell Konoha that they should not mess with us."

"Yeah Konoha! Don't fuck with us!" screamed Kisame defiantly.

They headed back to Mt. Akatsuki.

Meanwhile, back in Konoha…

"The Hokage will see you now." said Koharu.

Kakashi stumbled into the door to talk to Godaime Hokage, who had taken over after Sandaime had gotten killed by that creepy orange guy with random piercings for no fucking reason.

Godaime Hokage was just… downright creepy. He had one eye, one arm, and a weird scar on his chin. He hid it well, but you could see the pain in his eyes, pain he had experienced in the First Ninja World War. He had lost his sensei, Lord Tobirama Senju. He had no family at all to live with. In some ways, he was like Kakashi, who had lost his two best friends in the Third Shinobi World War, and his sensei Lord Minato Kamikaze, who had died defeating the Nine Tailed Demon Fox.

"Kakashi," asked the Hokage. "What happened? Where's your team?"

Kakashi bowed, "Hokage-sama. My team was severely defeated. We encountered two Akatsuki members, who intercepted us before we could take Uzumaki Naruto. Kurenai and Asuma were killed, and the boy put a suppression seal on Gai. He is in the hospital, and right now can't use any chakra for his taijutsu attacks."

"So… the legacy of Yondaime Hokage-sama fought against our village? Let's put him down as a nukenin. Kakashi, what would you say his rank in the bingo book would be?

"I'd say low A-rank, sir."

"Very well, update the bingo book. I will give a personal order for his capture. Councillor Homura, please bring me a pen to sign the order."

The Hokage took the scroll, and wrote in neat kanji, his name. Lord Danzo Shimura.


	6. Treachery, Bombers, and a Birthday Party

At Akatsuki headquarters, there was an uproar at the fact that Naruto had wrecked Gato and friends, and at the same time had managed to move fast enough to constrain Maito Gai.

"Unbelievable!" screamed Konan. "How the fuck did you not faint at the sight of the caterpillars on his face!"

"How in the name of the boobs of Tsunade did you hurt Gato? He's fatter than an Akimichi! Shouldn't your attacks have bounced off him?!" yelled Pain.

"How did none of you notice that Naruto's not here?!" asked Sasori.

"He isn't?" asked Kisame as he looked around.

"What's going on?" asked Itachi, as he returned from the bathroom.

"Naruto's missing." replied Pain, worry clouding his face.

"Ah, Naruto. I was not expecting you here. Kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku…" laughed Orochimaru.

Naruto was restrained to a bed, with a gag over his mouth. He had known Orochimaru was a no good snakefucker….wait. Perhaps Orochimaru wasn't a snakefucker as everyone thought he was. Perhaps, he was gay. That would make sense of all the perverted things he did, like washing himself in a male snake's saliva. Or maybe he wasn't gay. Maybe he was a girl, all this time. He hid it, otherwise he wouldn't be able to see men naked in the changing rooms. That would explain the long hair. Either way, he/she was going to do something to Naruto.

"You see Naruto, my goal is to learn all the jutsu in the world. But no man, even a sexy man like me can't live forever. However, there is one jutsu which can help me survive. The catch is that I need a body to survive. And luck you, I chose you, for your skills in pretty much everything. I'll have a strong young to live in. Kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku…"

That was when all hell broke fucking loose. A creepy human puppet rose out of the ground, and Orochimaru crapped his pants. Then, he nearly dodged a sword strike from Samehada. Then, he heard someone asking, "How much money do I get by killing him?", before a creepy black creature shot flames at him. Konan burst through the door with her angel wings of paper. Then, Itachi popped out of the ground, and kicked him in the testes.

Orochimaru fell to the ground whimpering in pain, gripping his balls. "H-How did you know where the testes where? Kukukukukukukukukuku…"

"I used my Sharingan. By the way everyone, he's a boy, except his penis is so small, the Byakugan would not be able to detect it."

Orochimaru hissed at Itachi.

Then, Pain popped into the room, and roared, "OROCHIMARU! YOU HURT MY FAMILY, NOW PAY THE PRICE! SHINRA TENSEI!"

Orochimaru went flying through the ceiling, and kept going, until all anyone could see was a glint.

"Now that that fucking snake bastard is gone, we need someone else to be your partner, Sasori." said Pain.

Zetsu cleared his throat. "I've found an S-rank nukenin from Iwagakure. He has the kekkei genkai of Blast Release. But from what I know, he wants to live alone."

"Perhaps we could persuade him." said Pain. "Itachi, Naruto, Kisame, Sasori. I want you four to go and get this nukenin."

"So this is the place." muttered Sasori.

"Let's enter!" said Kisame.

The foursome walked into the random old shrine, and saw a bunch of weird white things. Some were shaped like birds, and others like fish. There was even one spider. In the middle of all this was a blonde man with a badass ponytail thing (I don't know anything about hairstyles, so sorry if it isn't a ponytail).

"Who the fuck are you, yeah?" screamed the man.

Itachi nominated himself as the speaker. "We are from Akatsuki, and we want to recruit you because of your skills."

"Forget it. Deidara works alone, yeah!"

"Because you have no friends?" asked Itachi.

"Oooooooooooooooooooh roasted!" screamed Sasori as he kept reading Icha Icha.

Deidara turned bright red. "Why can't you guys just leave me alone? All I want to do is live by myself blowing up shit! Yeah!"

Itachi intervened. "How about this? You fight Naruto over here and win, we will leave you to be a loner. If Naruto wins, then you join Akatsuki?"

Deidara pondered the offer, and said "I'll fight him. He'll get wrecked! Yeah!"

Kisame said, "The rules are that however gets incapacitated first loses. Try not to kill each other."

"Let's go! Yeah!"

Itachi screamed at the top of his lungs, "MOTHERFUCKING BEGIN!"

Naruto and Deidara carefully studied each other. Despite Deidara pretending to be an idiot, he knew Naruto must have been powerful, if he was fighting him. Naruto knew that as Deidara was an S-rank nukenin, he was extremely powerful. _Blast Release, huh_. Naruto thought to himself.

Spending a few years with Itachi learning ninjutsu had also included being taught about different kekkei genkai. Naruto knew that Blast Release was created by combining Raiton (lightning techniques) and Doton (Earth Techniques). Luckily, Naruto knew Futon (wind style) and Raiton techniques that could help him counter Deidara's kekkei genkai.

The two stared at each other for a moment, then they both exploded into action. Deidara shot forth twenty explosive birds, screaming "ART IS A FUCKING EXPLOSION BITCHES!" as Naruto formed two shadow clones. They both went through a set of hand seals, and one doppleganger yelled "Futon: Daitoppa (Wind Style: Great Breakthrough)", sending the bombs back towards their owner. The other doppleganger formed a personalised version of the lightning armour, and charged at Deidara, who didn't move. The birds exploded, but Deidara was gone. Then all of a sudden, the nukenin popped out behind the real Naruto, and tried to stab him, only to see his kunai pass through Naruto. _Genjutsu!_ realized Deidara. That was when Naruto body flickered in front of his fellow blonde, and kicked him. Deidara turned into clay, and Naruto realised he had made a mistake, as the real Deidara was somewhere else.

Now, a bunch of clay monster things charged at Naruto, and he was forced to battle them. He formed shadow clones, which charged at the monsters, and performed Bunshin Daibakuha (Doppleganger Explosion). The clay monsters were unaffected, and Naruto realised that they were not explosive. He ran Futon (Wind Style) chakra through his blade, and began chopping the monsters in half. He saw the real Deidara a few hundred meters away, and body flickered towards him. "You lose." said Naruto, as he put his blade to Deidara's neck.

"The fight is over." said Itachi. "You lost, so you must join Akatsuki."

"Fuck. Yeah!"

A few years later…

Iruka Umino called out the next team at Ninja Academy. "Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Sarutobi Konohamaru. Your jonin instructor will be Hatake Kakashi!

For once, Kakashi was on time. He looked over his team. The last Uchiha, the stupid fangirl, and the Sarutobi clan's prodigy, who had graduated at 8.

Konohamaru was glad he had gotten such a powerful sensei. He would train hard and take revenge on the man who had killed his grandfather, Sandaime Hokage!

"That I swear, on the Will of Fire." said Konohamaru, as he looked up at the mountain with the Hokage's faces carved on it.

"Well", said Pain. "Happy twelfth birthday Naruto!"

Konan said, "We are going to be giving you your presents now. Here you go!"

Konan gave Naruto the Hiraishin scroll, and Pain gave him the Rasengan scroll. Kakuzu gave him Zabuza's head, and his sword, Kukuribouchou. Itachi handed Naruto a summoning scroll for crows, and Kisame gave him one for sharks. Sasori gave Naruto a puppet he had made himself, and Deidara gave him bombs he could explode by himself. Zetsu made fifty different types of ramen, which Naruto began devouring. Pain cleared his throat, and began telling a secret.

"Naruto. Twelve years ago, the Nine Tailed Demon Fox attacked the Village hidden in the motherfucking leaf. One man, the Yondaime Hokage asshole defeated the fox. But he didn't kill it like everyone thought. He sealed it away into a newborn child. That child was you. You are the jinchuriki of the Kyuubi. And the son of Konoha's Yellow Flash."


	7. Talking with Kurama and New Summons

"Bruh!" screamed Naruto. "Why would the Fourth seal a monster into his own son?"

"Naruto, I don't know of the his reasons. We found you next to his dead body when the seal was still young. So," said Pain. "I think it is time you met your tenant."

"Um….how?"

"Close your eyes." instructed Konan. "Try and feel inside you for chakra that's not yours."

Naruto closed his eyes and began looking for chakra other than his. He suddenly was teleported inside his head to a comfortable lounge, where… a giant fox was playing Halo? Yes, that was what was happening. The nine-tailed demon fox, the strongest bijuu in the world was playing motherfucking Halo.

The giant fox suddenly noticed his jinchuriki. "Yo, wassup, dawg!"

For a moment, Naruto lay there stunned, then he asked "You're a gamer?"

"Yup!"

"That's kind of weird if you think about it."

Then, the Kyuubi began ranting, "Gyuuki has identity crisis, Chomei is narcissistic, Saiken is perverted, Kokuo is on drugs-"

Here, Naruto interjected. "How do you know he's on drugs?"

"Have you seen his face? He originally looked like a horse, but now because of all that cocaine, he looks fucked up. Where was I? Oh yeah, Kokuo is a drug addict, Goku has no imagination, Isobu is depressed, Matatabi has anger management issues, and Shukaku is just a big dick. Compared to them, I'm mentally fit. I'm just a giant fox who wants to game all day long."

Naruto just stood there with is mouth wide open. "Then why did you attack the Hidden Leaf?"

For the first time, the Kyuubi looked angry. "A long time, back in the time of Hashirama Senju, a man named Madara Uchiha made a deal with me. He said that he wanted to play a match of Mortal Kombat against me. If I won, he would leave me alone, and if I lost, I would be under his power for a year. The fucking cheating bitch turned on his Sharingan, and knew exactly what I was going to do, and I lost. Since there was nothing about Sharingan in the rules, I was obliged to do his bidding. The second time, I forbid Sharingan, but he used his Mangekyou, and then he won again. As your tailed beast, I just ask for one thing. If he meet Madara Uchiha, we will fuck that piece of shit up, and he will get the punishment he rightly deserves."

Naruto suddenly changed the topic. "So…what's your name?"

The fox sat up, "My name is Kurama, motherfucker! Now if you will excuse me, I have a game to play." Kurama turned back and continue his game.

In his office, Danzo Shimura screamed loudly, "Fuck!" He had been beaten once again on Halo, by a user known as "Kurama". He quickly took a deep breath. The doctor had said that he had high blood pressure, and it was dangerous for him. He quickly closed away Halo, as the two councillors Homura and Koharu (or whatever their names are; no one cares).

"Hokage-sama, you wanted to see us?"

"Ah, yes." Danzo smiled evilly. "Tell all clan heads and those with summoning contracts to find a genin to sign their contract.

Now, he could find them Akatsuki people, and wreck them. Perhaps "Kurama" was one of them. They were evil criminals, and anyone who ruined Danzo's fun in Halo was evil.

Inoichi, Choza, and Shikaku gathered their children to teach them their summons which were meant to be used in conjunction. Inoichi went first summoning a giant pig. This was a bad idea, as Choji charged at the pig, intent upon eating it. Then, Shikaku summoned a deer, and Choza summoned a butterfly.

Unfortunately, there kids were less than happy. Shikamaru was asleep, Choji was screaming "Why the fuck do we have butterflies?" and Ino was whining, "Ew…pigs. I need to be pretty for sexy Sasuke!" All three clan heads looked at each other and simultaneously facepalmed.

Hiashi had taken Neji, Hinata, and Hanabi aside to teach them their summoning. He placed his hands on the ground and said in an inside voice, "Kuchiyose no jutsu"

A giant panda popped out.

"Um…w-why i-is o-our c-clan s-summon a-a p-panda?" asked Hinata.

Hiashi said. "It is because our clan symbol is white and black, and pandas are white and black. Is there a problem, failure?"

Hanabi and Neji moved at once, kicking the Hyuuga head in the balls tenketsu. He collapsed immediately.

"Don't call her failure!" they both screamed.

Hinata stared at her cousin mutely. She didn't know he could even scream.

Neji turned at Hinata. "Hinata. What you just witnessed must never leave this room. You must not tell anyone that I actually care for you, since I need to maintain my cool facade."

Hinata nodded.

"You see Kiba, Hana. For some of our clan's stronger techniques, we require more dogs and/or wolves. Thus, you will be learning how to summon wolves." said Tsume Inuzuka.

"NOW TRY IT!"

"Yes ma'am" chorused Hana and Kiba.

Hana summoned a large black wolf, twice as big as Kuromaru, and Kiba summoned a puppy smaller than Gamakichi.

"WTF!" he screamed.

The puppy bit him on the foot, and said, "Don't swear dickhead!"

"…"

Shino's dad Aburame summoned a bunch of insects: praying mantises, bumblebees, mosquitos.

"…"

"…"

The silence was filled in by two bowl cut people running by.

"LEE, I AM JUST LIKE YOU. I CAN'T USE NINJUTSU OR GENJUTSU. BUT SUMMONING IS EASY, BECAUSE IT JUST REQUIRES A LOT OF CHAKRA."

Lee took notes in his notepad. "GOT IT GAI-SENSEI."

They both proceeded to start summoning turtles.

"YES THAT'S IT LEE! LET THE FLAMES OF YOUTH CONSUME YOU, AND RESTORE YOUR YOUTH!"

For the first time in history, members of the Aburame clan showed emotions.

Konohamaru's mom Sarutobi said "Konohamaru, I'm going to teach you how to summon monkeys. Your grandpa was the only one who could summon the monkey king Enma, but if you persevere, I think you could do it too."

Konohamaru nodded. He would do his best to avenge his badass grandpa.

Jiraiya thought to himself, _Shouldn't Konohamaru's part be longer. Oh well, guess the author was too lazy to figure it out_.

"I am the motherfucking toad sage, sexiest man in the Elemental Nations."

Tenten looked up. "I think the author needs to use "motherfucking" less. Also, he should kill you off. You're a criminal. What do you want anyway?"

"Well, I came to introduce you to someone you admire. Presenting, the one and only Princess Tsunade! The only woman who can satisfy me!"

Tsunade punched Jiraiya into a tree. "So, kid. Your name is Tenten. Tenten, you will be my apprentice! Be prepared to work 24/7."

Tenten nodded, trying to hide her joy. She was being trained by Tsunade of the Sannin!

"Sasuke. You will be learning how to summon dogs."

"Kakashi, I came here to learn something important, not how to summon ugly canines, who are weaker than me."

"They're weaker than you? Then try battling Pakkun."

Pakkun formed a thousand shadow clones, and Sasuke got his ass handed to him.

"Hey, stop beating up Sasuke-kun!" yelled Sakura.

"Hey, you. Pink hair."

Sakura turned around to see a white-haired man. "You're going to be my apprentice."

Kakashi perked up at the sound of the voice. "Jiraiya-sama! Please sign my copy!"

"Sure thing, copycat."


	8. Author's Note

Sorry, people, but I am going to India for the next two years. The Wi-fi there sucks, so unfortunately, there will be no Adopted for two years. Sorry. Luckily, I'll be able to write on Pages, so you will probably get a bunch of chapters in two years.


	9. New Members, Chunin Exam, and a Battle

"So, now people, we will welcome new members to Akatsuki." yelled Pain.

"First up, Jiraiya of the motherfucking Sannin! Also, my and Konan's sensei."

"Hey, why is Konan the only girl in this group? I wanted more women who could join my harem."

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING PERVERT! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A HAREM!"

As Jiraiya was propelled into the dining table, Tsunade walked in.

Jiraiya screamed (no one was sure if it was in pain, surprise, or the thought of marrying Tsunade). "Tsunade, you're here too?!"

Pain sighed. "You two…will be partners. But, first, Tsunade, please heal me."

After the healing and the long convoluted explanation…

"Our next member… is this fucking religious fanatic!"

"My name is Hidan, and my goal is to kill everyone and sacrifice them to Jashin the great god!"

Pain (the Nagato Uzumaki guy all healed and stuff) said "No, I'm god."

"Die!"

At that moment, TSunade bitch-slapped Hidan, and he got stuck in the wall, screaming about how much he loved pain.

Pain said, "You are in love with me?"

"No!"

"Anyway, our final new member is….. Uzumaki Naruto!"

"Really? Sweet!"

"YOu will be partners with Deidara. Sasori, you and Kakuzu will be partners. Hidan, you are alone, so you can kill people by yourself!"

"Yay!"

"Anyway, our goal is AKatsuki is to give the jinchurikki a better life. They are mistreated in their villages. We must save them!"

Hidan yelled, "Can I go on missions to kill people?"

"Uh… sure. You can go to Otogakure and massacre the pedophile and his friends."

"Team 7. You receive a C-rank mission to take this drunk, alcoholic, asshole back to his country and guard him while he makes some stupid bridge."

Sasuke scowled, as they set off from the village.

"Hey, hey." said Tazuna. "Why do I get a kid with a duck ass hairstyle and a pink banshee fangirl for bodyguards? The only guys who look tough are you, grandpa, and that midget over there."

Kakashi face-palmed. "Um…I'm only 25."

"Wow. The ninja world sure puts a lot of strain on its people."

Nothing much happened on Team 7's first C-rank mission. Konohamaru and Kakashi had a contest to see who could wreck more bandits. Kakashi clearly won. In the ambush, Sasuke tried to do a fireball, but he was so oblivious to everything else, that a random bandit hit him on the back of the head, and he was down for the count. Sakura hid somewhere behind a tree screaming for absolutely no reason, instead of protecting Tazuna. Tazuna sighed, and took down three bandits with an enormous hammer.

At the house, Inari, training to be a runner raced against Sasuke, and won by two hours. Sakura said Inari cheated, and then Konohamaru told her to shut the fuck up and that Sasuke wasn't so great. Sasuke tried to attack Konohamaru, but he tripped over a chair Konohamaru shoved at him. Kakashi sighed.

Back home at Konoha…

"Hey, my cute little students. I've nominated you for the chunin exams. Have fun!"

Kakashi ran away laughing manically. He could read Icha Icha! With full concentration!

The next day, Team 7 entered the chunin exam place. As the walked up the stairs (after even Sakura figured out the obvious genjutsu which Pakkun could break while skateboarding down Mt. Everest), a random bowl cut kid came up. It was Mini-Gai!

"I WOULD LIKE TO FIGHT AGAINST YOU KONOHAMARU SARUTOBI, TO TEST THE FLAMES OF MY YOUTH!"

"Hah, another weakling." smirked Sasuke.

"Yeah, Sasuke-kun could wreck you." said Sakura.

Sasuke charged at Lee, ready to use his Uchiha Intercepting Fist, even thought it was ineffective without the Sharingan.

With a quick blur, Lee had launched SAsuke to the other side of the room with one kick.

Then, he charged at Konohamaru, who flipped over the kick. Lee then attempted a punch, which Konohamaru sidestepped. Then, Konohamaru tried to spearhandd Lee, but Lee grabbed his arm and threw him towards the wall. Konohamaru flipped in midair, and landed on the wall, beginning to form some hand signs. Just then, they realised the time, and headed towards the examination room. Lee smiled. He had found a tough opponent!

Team 7 noticed the other teams around them. There was team 10 of Choji, Ino, and Shikamaru, led by Shizune. Then, there was team 9 of Hinata, Shino, and Kiba, led by Gekko Hayate. Finally, there was Neji, Lee, and Tenten. There were some other teams as well, including a team from Sand, with some weird redhead, a guy trying to be a cat, and a girl who looked like she was thinking of the best way to kill you. The team from Sound had a mummy, a smug looking goblin, and a smirking girl.

After the first exam…

Team 7 charged into the forest, with Konohamaru at the lead. They dodged through several animals, but then, as the ran into a clearing, something ambushed them. It was a girl, but Konohamaru knew who it really was. Orochimaru.

"Ah, it seems the Sarutobi prodigy knows my true identity. Kukukukukukukukuku…"

Konohamaru formed some quick hand seals. He shot a stream of fire into the air, which formed the word, "Orochimaru".

Orochimaru grimaced. The brat had just signalled to everyone. He needed to finish his work quickly.

From his office, Danzo, narrowed his eyes, then smashed through the window, like a boss.

Gai charged out over the treetops, and Jiraiya and Tsunade ran into the forest. The stupid snakefucker needed to be stopped.

Danzo snapped down next to Orochimaru, with Jiraiya and Tsunade popping up next. The last to come was Gai.

Jiraiya took charge. "Genin, leave."

As the three ninja left, Naruto popped in. Along with S-rank missing nin, Itachi Uchiha.

"'Sup Orochimaru."

"Ah, Naruto-kun. Kukukukukukukukukuku…"

Itachi stood next to Naruto, glaring at Danzo Shimura.

They all stood for a second, seven super ninja. Then, they charged.

Orochimaru formed some seals, and yelled, "Kuchiyose Edotensei (Impure World Summoning)!"

Three coffins rose out of the ground, and out came the first three Hokage.

Jiraiya yelled, "I know this technique. Destroy the heads, and then the souls will be released! I'll take sensei."

Tsunade charged at her grandfather, Hashirama Senju, and Gai screamed "MOST YOUTHFUL NIDAIME! I SHALL BE YOUR OPPONENT!"

Naruto charged at Orochimaru, while Danzo prepared for his fight against Itachi.

With the Shodai and Tsunade

Tsunade sighed. Even dead, her grandpa was a tough cookie (lol- that makes me sound like some creepy old guy). His punches were sending trees flying. But she wasn't a Sannin for nothing. She jumped out of the way as he attempted to stab her, the blade sailing past her neck. She grabbed his arm, and broke it at the elbow, then was sent back flying, as he stamped the ground. She cursed, as she saw the arm already rehealing.

Then, the first went on the offensive. He moved fast, body flickering around her, as she blocked his attacks. Then, he cut the tendons in her right arm, and it went limp. She retreated back a little, and quickly healed herself. Then, she yelled, "TSuchi bunshin no jutsu (Earth doppleganger technique)"

One clone punched him in the stomach, disrupting his nerve signals, and while he was disoriented, the other two grabbed him. She charged forwards as he used Mokuton to destroy the clones, and as he got free, she kicked his head off, and hit it with an exploding kunai in midair. One down.

With Nidaime and Gai

Gai was enjoying his battle with the Nidaime.

"Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu (Water Style: Water Dragon)" A roaring dragon charged at Gai. He dodged, but it followed him, because of the Nidaime's excellent water manipulation. Finally, Gai let a tree take the impact. Then, the two ninja charged at each other. The Nidaime was fast, giving no time for Gai to counterattack. Gai ducked under a kick, than narrowly dodged a headbutt. Unfortunately, the old Hokage grabbed him, and tossed him at a tree. Then, he charged slicing through the tree with a sword. Gai sprang back, realising he needed to open the gates.

He roared and opened three of the eight inner gates. He was flooded with power, and kicked the Nidaime, who turned into a log. But Gai then hit the man with a vicious uppercut, sending him soaring into the air. As he jumped up, the man teleported behind Gai, and kicked him into a tree. The green beast nimbly pushed off a tree, and pulled of the Hiraishin tag on his back. This time, he was ready. As the Nidaime teleported, Gai grabbed his arm, and Forward Lotused him into the ground, shattering his back. Swiftly cutting of his head, it was kicked into the sun. Two down.

Author Rant

You know all that awesome medical ninjutsu? Like the nerve disrupting thing and Shizune's poison mist, or cutting tendons. How come SAkura, who is Tsunade's disciple, for fucking three years, doesn't learn that badass shit? I mean, that would have been fucking useful in the ninja war, or against the Akatsuki!


	10. Battle!

As Jiraiya stared at his old sensei, he knew this wouldn't be an easy fight. Orochimaru had been unable to summon the First and Second at full power, since he did not have enough chakra for that. However, he did have enough to summon the Third Hokage at full power. Jiraiya knew firsthand how powerful his sensei was. He suddenly remembered his bell test.

Flashback

"Now, children. You three are the prodigies of the Academy, having graduated at just six years old. My name is Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage. I like people who work hard and this village. I dislike dicks who attack this village. My hobbies are protecting this village, which is what you will be trained to do. My goal is to protect the village till my death, and to ensure that the Will of Fire is handed down to a strong young generation. Please introduce yourselves."

"My name is Senju Tsunade, granddaughter of Senju Hashirama. I like gambling and playing with my younger brother. I hate perverts, and my hobbies are learning medical ninjutsu. My goal is to one day save lots of people as a medic.

The Hokage was a bit worried about how a six-year old knew about perverts and gambling. Still, they were ninja, so yeah.

"My name is Orochimaru. I like training and I hate people who are lazy." Somewhere nearby, Shikamaru's grandfather sneezed in the face of one of his genin. "My hobbies are training and learning, and my goal is to learn all the jutsu in the world."

"My name is Jiraiya. I like women and being a boss. I hate arrogant dicks. My hobby is spying on the onsen, and my goal is to become a strong ninja."

"Oh well. Anyway, you guys. I have two bells here, meaning the one person who doesn't get a bell goes back to the Academy. It starts now."

Orochimaru and Tsunade hid, but Jiraiya, who had IQ levels resembling a boiled carrot charged directly at the strongest ninja in the village, screaming about an honourable fight. The Hokage mentally face palmed. As Jiraiya tried to punch him, he ducked, and rolled out of the way of a sudden leg swipe. Then, Jiraiya attempted to stab him, but the Professor, backfisted him, sending him flying.

Then, the man suddenly body flickered right in front of the future Sannin, kicked him, and he went soaring into a tree.

Jiraiya ran back towards the forest, and there in a clearing, he found a bell. He smirked, and went for the bell, failing to notice the trip wires. All of a sudden, trees fell around him in a barrier. There was no way he could escape.

After, a while, someone punched through the barrier. It was Tsunade, and next to her was Orochimaru.

"Jiraiya…we need to work together." hissed Orochimaru (There is no Kukuukkukukukuukuku, because he is not an evil motherfucker yet).

Tsunade then said, " This guy is super strong, and there's no way we can beat him by ourselves. Only together can we win. The goal is teamwork."

After a bit of arguing, the three sneaked towards the village leader. They didn't notice him smile as he sensed them.

All three of them suddenly charged, with Jiraiya shooting a fireball, and Orochimaru sending a wind style breakthrough making a fire planet. The man quickly sealed the fire away, but then he was unable to see Tsunade through the smoke. She smashed the ground with her finger, and the Hokage fell into the ground.

"So, old man. WE win!" yelled Orochimaru (just kidding. it was Jiraiya)

"Not quite."

The man exploded revealing he was a shadow doppleganger, and as the three jumped back, the real Hokage moved at full speed, tying them all up.

"I win. But, you pass the test of teamwork."

Their sensei's words did not reach them at first, as they were awestruck by his speed.

End Flashback

Jiraiya sighed. He could not use his summons, as they were too big, in such an enclosed space. He realised the old man was beginning to make the seals for summoning, so Jiraiya charged forward, attempting a kick at the man's head. The man dodged, but Jiraiya had gotten a bit smarter, so his uppercut propelled the man into the air. Not giving his time to escape, he shot two kunai at the old hokage. However, the man knocked them aside, and yelled "Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shuriken Shadow Doppleganger Technique)" A thousand shrunken shot towards Jiraiya. The mighty Sannin formed two quick seals, and formed a mud wall, which stopped the shuriken. Then, a bo staff, shattered the wall, and Jiraiya nearly got it stuffed down his throat.

The two now engaged in a battle of taijutsu. The old Hokage swung his bo staff, and Jiraiya ducked , trying to spearhead the man in the neck. Hiruzen sidestepped, and .kicked Jiraiya in the chest. Jiraiya threw a kunai at the aged man, hitting him in the neck, then he formed several shadow clones. Hiding behind a tree, he began sage mode.

Meanwhile, Hiruzen was fighting the clones. He shot a fireball killing three, leaving two. The god of shinobi then in a show of speed kicked the two shadow clones in the back. AS they dissipated into smoke, he charged at Jiraiya. But, Jiraiya was ready with his senjutsu. He kicked Hiruzen, and jumped into the air. He then performed a jutsu invented by his student. "ODAMA RASSENGAN (Giant Rassengan)!"

The old man was pretty much vaporized. Then, Jiriaya saw the Hokage's soul come out of the body. It beckoned to him, and whispered something in his ear. Jiraiya's eyes widened. Impossible!

Naruto stared down the evil pedophile. Even though he must have been low on chakra, he was still a SAnnin, and not to be underestimated.

"Kukukukukukukuku….Naruto. I would like to see your improvenment, and then make you my host. Kukukukukukukukuku…."

"Orochimaru. You still sound as retarded as ever."

Orochimaru screamed and attacked. Naruto was forced back, as the Sannin began a fast flurry of taijutsu. It was difficult to dodge, and Naruto was unable to retaliate. Suddenly, the Snake Sage kicked Naruto and sending him flying with a wind jutsu. Naruto quickly formed shadow clones, and shoved Deidara's bombs into their shirts. They charged at Orochimaru screaming, "FOR RAMEN!". They exploded next to the pedophile, who turned into mud. A mud clone!

The real Orochimaru popped out from a tree, and grabbed Naruto with pythons. Coming from his mouth was a sword…

Then, suddenly, red chakra flared out, and shattered the sword. Luckily, for Orochimaru, it was his second best sword. He had hired some random guy to polish his Kusanagi, and it was back in Otogakure. The pythons suddenly shrivelled up.

Inside Naruto's stomach, the Kyuubi was delirious. He had won at some random game, and had unleashed his chakra, to show off.

Outside, Orochimaru thought that Naruto could control the Kyuubi's power, and he ran away.

Danzo was pretty sure he would die any second. Itachi was slicing at him with a sword, laughing manically. Danzo was running around, screaming. He kept trying to hit the Uchiha with branches, but Itachi just chopped them in half. Danzo finally jumped on a tree, and used his wind blades. Itachi leaped backwards, and dodged the blades. He then kicked Danzo in the chest. Then, both of them made the same sings.

"KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!" (Art of Summoning)

A massive crow name Hiroki popped up under Itachi, while Boro the elephant was next to DAnzo.

"So, Itachi. You're robbing pyramids now? Who is this mummy?"

"Shut up Hiroki. This is Danzo Shimura."

"Itachi, I think you got his name wrong. It's Dango Shikamaru."

"Whatever. WE are going to kill him."

"Why?"

"He got my clan killed."

That was enough talk, and the duo soared into the sky. Danzo shot a fireball, which Boro maximised with a wind blast. Hiroki just dodged. The bad guys shot a stream of fire, which chased Itachi and friends around the sky. They continuously spiralled downwards. Finally, they dive-bombed DAnzo.

Hiroki stabbed Boro in the eye, with his beak. Bro yelled in pain about Danzo being a dickbag who always got him injured.

Itachi then used Amaterasu.

Danzo used the Kotoamatsuki to escape, but now he was out of chakra. He then found Itachi's sword in his stomach, and collapsed. Finally, he was dead.

The five ninja (Tsunade, Jiraiya, Naruto, Gai, and Itachi now talked.

"Who's going to be HOkage now?" asked Naruto.

"More importantly, how are we going to cover this up?" asked Tsunade.

"WEll, let me deal with that." Jiraiya said. "I have proof that Danzo is a traitor. My spies have found him plotting the death of Minato with Orochimaru. In addition, sensei told me that DAnzo killed him."

Everyone was shocked. Finally, Itachi asked "How? Didn't everyone say it was the Kyuubi?"

"The truth is that, SAndaime-sama had been shot into a building. Danzo had been spying, and popped up and killed sensei."

"Anyway, who will be Hokage?" asked Tsunade.

"SEnsei also told me about a possible candidate. All five of us will need to convince him."

"Who is this guy?" asked Homura and Koharu, Hiruzen's trusted counsellors.

"You'll see."

The seven ninja, had reached a house at the top of a mountain. There was a small cottage. Jiraiya knocked on the door. A gruff looking man opened.

"What do you- Oh hi Koharu! Hi HOmura!"

"Kagame?"

"Kagame?"

"Shisui's grandfather?"

"Who the hell are these other guys?"

Jiraiya stepped in "This is Itachi, that's Naruto, that's Tsunade, and I'm Jiraiya. Let me get to the point. Kagame Uchiha, do you accept the position of Rokudaime Hokage?"

Okame

Kokuo, the five tails, was gone to buy drugs. He went into the alleyway, and could hear his seller.

"My precioussssssssss….. We wants my preciousssss…. Smeagol wants it. Thief! Thief! Baggins! We hates it forever!"

KOkuo was a bit confused. Gollum wasn't usually this insane. Suddenly, he was mugged.

Gollum took the money, and booked a train for the Shire. Little did he know that he was in the wrong universe.

Sorry, that it took so long. I've been really busy with exams and tests. Hope you enjoyed.


	11. Chunin Exam Time

"Um…isn't DAnzo HOkage?"

"He was." said Jiraiya. "NOw he's dead. And we have evidence that he's a traitor: he's responsible for the death of Sandaime-sama and was plotting with Orochimaru to assassinate MInato."

"Um…fine I'll be HOkage. First, I'll talk to the young Uchiha. Good day."

AFterwards, there was a ceremony, in which Kagame was made Hokage, Itachi's name was cleared, and the AKatsuki become closely linked with KOnoha. Since it is all boring politics, we will not discuss it in full.

The annoying voice of Ibiki droned on "Now, you see these towers. Each team will have to protect one tower. The objective is to destroy other towers and protect your on. Three hours. Have fun. IF your tower still stands, you go on to the third part of the exam. NO killing people. Please. OR else I'll have to fill out all those stupid forms."

Sasuke stood next to his tower with his team, brooding over what Itachi had told him.

"I did it because our family were traitors."

Sasuke stood there in shock. HIs bro had told him that he had done it to test himself. Now he found out that his brother had done it to stop a great threat to the village.

"Father was plotting to kill DAnzo, and put himself in his place, as HOkage. Most of the Uchiha were with him as well. I needed to stop it, so I spied on our clan for Konoha. Then I killed them. But I wasn't alone. There was someone else helping me. Uchiha Madara. Sasuke be careful. He'll try to involve you in his plans."

Sasuke tried o ask Itachi who this Madara guy was, but his brother swiftly changed the topic. They started talking about school, but SAsuke avoided all his questions. He wasn't about to talk with his mother's murderer so casually, so soon.

Konohamaru too was brooding. He had had a talk with Jiraiya the other day. The SAnnin had captured him, and taken him to a large bushy tree, which was conveniently placed so that he could look into an onsen.

"Kid, you're not the only one who lost a loved one when the old man died. I was his student, and he was one of the greatest shinobi I ever knew. In a way, it's worse for me. I knew him longer. You weren't even born when he died. What I'm trying to say here is to not get bogged down with revenge. He would want you to live life to the fullest."

How JIraiya had managed to give such a serious lecture while giggling pervetdly was beyond KOnohamaru's comprehension.

The two shinobi were brought back to attention by Ibiki screaming "BEGIN!"

Konohamaru gave his team a quick plan "You guys will defend, and I will attack."

Konohamaru charged forward towards a sand team. It wasn't the redhead's team, he had sensed blood lust coming from, and he doubted he could take the redhead by himself, let alone his team. The sand team had left one ninja guard their tower. He sneered at Konohamaru, expecting him to be a weakling.

"Come on, midget. Since you're so small, I'll let you get the first hit."

Konohamaru smirked inside. He then ran, pretending to stumble occasionally, to look like a clueless genin. At the last moment, he flipped himself, kicked the tower down, and then kicked the genin on the back of the head.

The clueless genin said, "Ow. You're a fucking jerk, bitch." Then, he fell over. Meanwhile, the tower fell over, on the genin.

ON the other side of the field, Neji knocked out some unimportant ninja, while Lee kicked the tower across the whole of Fire Country, screaming about youth. Tenten, randomly stabbed someone with a spear. Gaara was just crushing random people with sand. Temari was hitting Kankuro on his cat head with her fan. Choji was beating the crap out of some guy who had called him fat. Shikamaru was sleeping next to his tower. Ino and Sakura were screaming about who Sasuke like more. Sasuke was resisting the urge to murder both banshees. Shino was just standing there and HInata was just like confused. Kiba was screaming randomly with Akamaru biting some random cat-loving guy. Dosu was laughing for no reason, and Zaku was trying to hit on Kin. Kabuto was pushing up his glasses with his middle finger. HIs two teammates were just slapping people for fun.

Ibiki face-palmed.

IN the end, the only teams left were Zaku's, Sasuke's, INo's, Shino's, Neji's, Gaara's, and Kabuto's.

Ibiiki glared at Gaara. "I hate you you fucking asshole! Thanks to you, I have to fill out about six hundred forms, you bitch!"

Gaara just ignored him.

After Ibiki finished his rant by kicking some trees, and throwing some random chunin into a rock, he began explaining the third part of the exam. "Ok, you will have lunch, and then we will begin the third part. Is there anyone who wants to quit?"

Kabuto raised his hand.

"Okay, four-eyes over there. I expected this, you look like some geek."

Kabuto made a mental note to kill Ibiiki later.

AFter half an hour of coughing, Hayate began explaining the third exam, "You're going to have bouts. You can kill people, because I don't have to fill out forms, Ibiki does. You can surrender if you're a wimp. First fight: Uchiha Sasuke vs. Yoroi

The two combatants stepped down to the arena.

"Heh, little genin. You're going to lose."

Rage boiled in Sasuke. His murdering brother had just returned and had said, "oh i was just being loyal", and now this fucktard was mocking him. As Yoroi charged at him, his eyes changed. Yoroi was now running slower than Sakura, and Sasuke knew that he would punch with his left hand. He could also see the chakra in yoroi's hand and knew he couldn't block it. So, he ducked, and kicked Yoroi, right in the gut.

"oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH" was Yoroi's intellectual response.

"Um, well that was quick. and really boring. Well at least I got money for my bet" said Hayate "Next fight is Hinata vs Ino!"

Sakura smirked. She could beat Ino, the little weakling, and impress Sasuke!

Ino knew she could bet Sakura, but wanted to humiliate her.

The two kunoichi charged at each other. Sakura kicked Ino in the leg, and Ino bent over in pain. She punched Sakura in the gut, and Sakura pulled her down to the ground. The two began rolling around on the ground screaming randomly.

"SASUKE IS MINE!"

"NO, HE IS MINE, YOU OBESE FOREHEAD FOOL!"

"FUCK OFF, PIG"

A loud crash was heard, as blood from Kakashi's nose propelled him out of the arena. Jiraiya leaned in to get a closer look, and Konohamaru "accidentally" pushed him. The Sannin fell on Hayate, and kicked some random chunin in the face. Hayate screamed, and started pulling out fifty different swords, and tried to massacre Jiraiya.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTS, TAKE THIS OUTSIDE. NO, JIRAIYA LEAVE! HAYATE STAY INSIDE YOU WORTHLESS REFEREE. I'LL BURN ALL YOUR SWORDS IN FRONT OF YOU!" yelled Kagame.

Meanwhile, Ino and Sakura had gotten away from each other, but Sakura tripped and fell on one of Hayate's swords, bending it .

"YOU BIG BITCH USELESS FANGIRL" roared Hayate picking up a sword. As he pulled back to stab Sakura, he hit Jiraiya in the face with the hilt, causing him to fill, and kick a sword between Hayate's legs.

"NUTMEG" yelled Kiba.

The sword cause Sakura to stumble, and she stepped on more of Hayate's swords.

"WTF HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY SWORDS WITH YOUR FEET".

INo suddenly tackled Sakura from behind, and pulled her hair. She then tried to punch Sakura, who ducked, and the punch landed on Hayate, who fell on top of Jiraiya. Sakura grabbed Ino by the legs and tried to pick her up, but fell over, and Ino accidentally head butted Hayate.

"STOP THIS UNYOUTHFUL BEHAVIOUR" yelled Gai, jumping towards the fight. He kicked Jiraiya in the face, and the old sage fell into the stands. Kankuro began laughing, and in annoyance Gaara slapped him with the sand, sending him towards Kagame. Kagame picked up a chunin and hit Kankuro towards the fight.

"HOME RUN, BITCHES" yelled Kagame

Kankuro landed on INo's stomach, and she screamed "PERVERT"

Rock Lee and Gai simultaneously kicked Kankuro, screaming about stopping unyouthful behaviour.

Kakashi returned from his blood ballon, and landed right in the middle of the fight on Hayatae and Jiraiya.

"OW YOU FUCKING RETARD"

Kagame meanwhile smiled at the betting counter guy, and said, give me a billion ryo please.

"HOly Shit!" yelled the betting guy. "Ican't believe your prediction about this stuff happening was right"

Kagame smiled. _Well no one knows about my Mangekyou Sharingan's special ability: seeing the future_

OMake

KOnan waved a piece of paper excitedly. "Look Deidara, I found a university for you! It's in a different universe, but who gives a shit! Read it!"

The Paper read"

The Allied SHinobi University offers a wide range of intriguing courses and activities, led by professional staff.

Psychology: Inoichi, INo

Biology: TSunade, ORochimaru, Kabuto, SHizune, Sakura, Ino

Chemistry: Tsunade

Physics: Who gives a fuck? Pain does

Math: Udon, Moegi

Art: SAi, DEidara

Clubs:

Kendo: Mangetsu, Suigetsu, Zabuza, Kisame, RAiga, Hayate, Killer Bee, Itachi, Sasuke, Rikudo SAge of the SIx Paths

Puppetry: Sasori, Kankuro, Chiyo

GArdening: Hashirama

Martial arts: GAi, Lee, Neji

Girl-watching: Jiraiya, Kakashi, EBisu, Iruka

Boy-watching: SAkura

Food: Choji, Choza

Strategy games: SHikamaru, Shikaku

SMoking and other drugs: Asuma, five tails

Gaming: Kurama, DAnzo

Necromancy: Hidan

Entomology: SHino, Shino's dad


	12. New Faces and New Jutsu

p class="p1"span class="s1"After a while, both Ino and Sakura were broken apart from each other, and disqualified for their idiotic antics. The next fight: Gaara vs Neji/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The two ninja stared at each other. Thoughts of blood and death rushed through Gaara's mind, while Neji smirked at the jinchuriki. Gaara could sense that Neji was a strong shinobi. His mother would love his blood!/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Hayate coughed, and yelled "BEGIN!". Meanwhile, Kakashi returned from his flying blood trip. He landed on the HOkage, knocking him out of his chair. "BITCH" yelled Kagame, trying to stab Kakashi, who ran off to a safe haven: the nearest bookstore, where he hid in the perverted section./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Neji and Gaara stared at each other. Both shinobi waited for the other to attack. Neji acted first. He switched on his Byakugan, and charged at Gaara./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Spears of sand shot at Neji, but the Hyuuga prodigy dodged them, as Rock Lee screamed "GO MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL!". As Neji moved to strike Gaara, the redhead encased himself in a ball of his chakra sand. Neji noticed that the boy's sand was chakra: juken could seal of his chakra!/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The sand around Gaara collapsed, and the boy was shocked to see Neji in front of him. AS the Hyuga moved to strike Gaara in the heart, sand shot through his wrist./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""AAAAGHGHGHGH!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sand wrapped around him, and it began crushing him, even as he tried to destroy it with chakra. Hayate stopped the fight, with Gaara as the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Next fight: Konohamaru vs Choji!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The two combatants got to the arena, and stood there. Choji yelled "Baiku no Jutsu (ARt of Expansion)" , and then, "NIkudon Sensha (Human Juggernaut)"! He rolled towards Konohamaru. The young Sarutobi jumped out of the way, and the Akimichi crashed into the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu (Fire Style: Fireball)" The fireball struck the Akimichi, and he was pushed further into the wall. Choji tried to stand up, but KOnohamaru struck from the smoke. He had won./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"There were a few more unimportant fights: finally, the third round battles were decided; they would be fought after three months./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Shino vs. Kankuro/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Konohamaru vs Rock Lee/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Temari vs Shikamaru/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasuke vs Gaara/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Out of nowhere, Itachi jumped, grabbed SAsuke, and took him from training/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"KOnohamaru went with Kakashi/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Shikamaru went for cloud-watching/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The two girls smiled, as they reached their destination. The redhead was leaning on the brunette./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Suddenly, eight mist ninja jumped out. "Heheheheheh….We've got you!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Out of nowhere jumped a blond guy./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""YOu fucking retard mist retard….you can't just trespass. Die!" screamed Naruto/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Huh.. a little boy acting as ninja. Look we'll let you go, if you leave the jinchuriki to us."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Jinchuriki?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""That's me." whispered the brunette./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The mist leader looked towards her, "So, Yuki Haku…are you ready to return?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""No!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Senbon shot towards the leader, but he deflected each of the them with a kunai./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Heh…there are eight of us, and three of you… two half weakened, and one weird hyperactive kid…"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The "kid" shot forward, and killed two of the ninja with a kunai. He tried to stab the leader, who dodged, and threw him back./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto pulled out his sword: Kubikiribouchou, the beheading sword. One of the stupid mist ninja was like, " Oh! it's a giant pizza cutter." The pizza cutter took off his head./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""So? YOu're still a little brat. I won't consider you a swordsman until you've defeated another great swordsman."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Does Raiga count?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The ninja's eyes widened. "YOu're the one who killed Raiga? Uzumaki Naruto? Die!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The mist ninja shot an enormous water dragon towards the three young shinobi. A deep killing intent filled the area, and a sword sliced through the dragon./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"One of the retarded mist nin asked, "who are you? a shark on drugs?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The leader yelled, "Flee! It's Kisame Hoshigaki! The shark demon!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The remaining five ninja were killed immediately./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Kisame turned and faced the newcomers. "So, who are you?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Haku stepped forward and said "I'm Yuki class="Apple-converted-space" /spanI'm part of a kekkei gekkei clan, and the yondaime mizukagespan class="Apple-converted-space" /spanis killing all the clans. I managed to escape."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The redhead said, "I'm Karin Uzumaki. I escaped Orochimaru."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Wait. Did you just say "Uzumaki"'?" asked Naruto./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Yeah..so?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I'm Uzumaki Naruto."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Kisame said, "Yeah,yeah, happy family reunion, now can we go inside? I was going to buy a goblin shark."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Over time, Karin and Haku became good friends with Naruto. The three began training together./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"emChunin Exams/em/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto and all the Akatsuki and Itachi went to Konoha for the Chunin Exams. WEll, Itachi was already there. There were thousands of people, yelling things such as,/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""MOTHER RUSSIA"!/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I AM YOUR MOM!"/span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I LOVE RAMEN!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Match 1: Shino vs Kankurou" yelled Gekko/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I surrender!" yelled the puppet guy./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Match 2: Konohamaru vs Rock Lee" yelled Gekkospan class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The two ninja charged at each other, and the SArutobi dropped a smoke bomb. Lee dodged backwards, as Konohamaru lunged with a kunai. The prodigy then leaped backwards, as Lee threw of his weights. KOnohamaru formed a few seals, and yelled, "Doton: Ryu no Bakudan! (Earth Style: Dragon Bomb)" An enormous earthen dragon shot towards Lee; the taijutus user leaped into the air. Konohamaru smirked. He threw a shuriken, formed thespan class="Apple-converted-space" /spantiger hand seal, and yelled, "Shuriken Kage Bunshin (Shuriken Shadow Doppleganger)" Nearly a thousand shuriken shot towards Lee. He had no option but one. "Shomon Kai (First Gate)". The empowered Lee kicked all the weapons out of the air. A few went flying back towards Konohamaru, who hit them away with his staff. His eyes widened, as he could barely trace Lee moving towards class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Doton: Subako (Earth Style: Burrowing Mole)" he yelled, as he ducked underneath, just dodging Lee's kick. A bo staff nearly hit Lee in the nose as he dodged away. Then, ten earth clones charged at him. As Lee was busy fighting them, Konohamaru jumped out and grabbed his leg, and used a surge of chakra in his arm, to throw Lee towards the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Lee then screamed, "Sanmon Kai (Three Gates)" He shot off the wall, towards, Konohamaru, who tried to dodge, the punch shattering his finger. Konohmaru yelled, "Doton: Doki Keimusho (Earth Style: Earthen Prison")!"span class="Apple-converted-space" /spanA semicircular dome surrounded Lee. The pupil of Gai attempted to break out, but Konohamaru had put in much of his chakra to make the walls extremely class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The dome exploded outwards, and as Lee yelled, "Gomon Kai (Five Gates)", Konohamaru dropped a super smoke bomb, and smoke filled the arena. He then sent chakra to his eyes, using a special monkey technique allowing him to see through the smoke. He snuck up behind Lee, and knocked him class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"In the next match, Temari and Shikamaru just had a quick match, in which Shikamaru just gave up./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Now, the match that the crowd had been waiting for: Sasuke vs Gaara/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Gaara flickered down to the arena. But no Sasuke. Then, a flock of crows came by, and out popped Itachi and Sasuke./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Itachi sat with his Akatsuki friends, and the match began./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sand shot towards Sasuke, but he had improved. He nimbly dodged all the spears of sand, and then dashed forward. The sand around Gaara encased him in a sphere, and a multitude of sand clones popped out of the sphere. The charged at him; but Sasuke performed a technique: a technique so powerful, so deadly, that it was S-rank. A technique known as "CHIDORI" The sand clones were cut down, and Sasuke leapt backwards. He bent towards the ground, and yelled "Chidori Nagare (Chidori Stream)" The technique cut through the sphere, and Gaara fell to the ground screaming in pain. The sand armour formed around him. Sasuke then formed a couple of hand signs: "Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu (Fire Style: Fireball)" It was immense, and turned all the sand to glass. Then, Sasuke threw chidori-infused kunai that sliced through the armour./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""AAAAGHGHGGHHGH" screamed Gaara. "MOther!" Temari and Kankuro looked at each other in worry. As feathers fell from the sky, they leapt down, and took their brother./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Author's NOte: Sorry if the fight scenes are terrible. Also sorry that it took too long./span/p 


	13. Invasion

p class="p1"span class="s1"Sand and Sound nine raced into KOnoha, killing those who stood in their way. As a group of ten ran towards the civilian district, a middle-aged man leaped into the way./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""RASSENGAN!" yelled Jiraiya, as he blasted five of the group away. The other half threw kunai at him. "Harige no Bogyo (Needle Hair Defense)" The kunai fell, and Jiraiya whipped his hair. "Raion no Muchi (Lion Whip)". The remaining ninja were class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"A loud crash directed the SAnnin's attention towards the southern gate, where a three-headed snake had shattered the wall. "Orochimaru." he hissed. Suddenly, a certain blonde Sannin shattered the snake's back with a single punch. Jiraiya joined his teammate in kicking the asses of the Sound and Sand./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Kagame looked around at his opponents: Orochimaru, Hashirama, Tobirama, his old friend Hiruzen, and the Kazekage (Rasa). This could be bad, even for him. As gold sand raced towards the Hokage, iron sand stopped it in its tracks./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""YO, little brother."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Rasa looked in surprise at the nukenin: Akasuna no Sasori (Sasori of the Red Sand), suspected of murdering Sandaime Kazekage, and the only person who scared the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Sasori…you hoe! Die!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"With a flick of his wrist, the puppeteer shot iron sand towards his younger brother, who managed to create a shield just in time. Kagame, meanwhile, watched as orochimaru and his ninja charged at him. Out of nowhere, jumped in Pain: "SHINRA TENSEI (Almighty Push)" The snake sage and his summons were sent class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The leader of Akatsuki said, "I'll take Hashirama and Orochimaru."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"He shot towards his enemies. Hashirama yelled, "Doki Ryu", and a massive dragon of earth charged towards Pain. The Uzumaki shot machinery, destroying the dragon. It then fired towards the Snake Sage. Orochimaru leaped aside, but the machinery followed him. Then, it stopped, as Pain had to dodge the Shodai's attacks. Pain thought, emI need to stop the Shodai, or I'll die/em . He formed a shadow clone, behind the Hokage, and yelled, "SHINRA TENSEI (Almighty Push)" Hashirama shot backwards, and the clone, sliced his head off. An explosive tag blew up the former village leader's head. Meanwhile, a flame shot from Orochimaru towards Pain. The Akatsuki simply stood there, and absorbed the ninjutsu. Orochimaru then tried to run, but then Konan dropped down in front of him, and shot him with paper. Out of nowhere came some Sound ninja who distracted the Akatsuki members long enough for their leader to escape./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Meanwhile, Sasori and Rasa continued their fight. The sand kept clashing, iron against gold./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""You've improved little brother. I'll give you that."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Rasa merely gritted his teeth in anger. As Sasori formed a shield, he yelled, "Mizuha (WAter Blade)" Due to the immense power of the technique, it crashed through the shield. Sasori smiled, as he summoned his one thousand puppets. They charged towards Rasa and his sand, and the Kazekage formed handseals "Suna Shuriken (Sand Shuriken) A massive shuriken of sand shot by, destroying all the puppets in its path. Again, Sasori stopped it using the iron sand, then the puppets attacked Rasa. Even for a Kage, it was impossible to completely avoid the puppets, and a paralysing poison set in. The Kazekage used the sand to pull himself up, and formed an enormous being. "Kogane SEnshi (Golden WARrior)" AS the warrior pulled back his sword to striked, an arrow shot through "Tetsuya (Iron Arrow)" It shot through the warrior;s body, and he collapsed. The puppeteer watched as Sand nin took his brother back./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Kagame's fight with the Nidaime and Hiruzen was not going well for either side. Every attack from the previous Hokages failed, as Kagame was too fast for them. However, none of his attacks worked, as Hiruzen knew how to counter them all. The Nidaime then yelled, "Suiton: Mizuame Nabara (Water Style: Syrup Trap)" The water trapped Kagame held him in place, and Hiruzen leaped forward with his bo staff. The Mangekyou Sharing activated, and Kagame yelled, "Amaterasu (Heavenly Illumination)"the bo staff was consumed in the fire, and Hiruzen, surprised failed to avoid Kagame's punch. But the Rokudaime had other problems, his sensei had thrown a kunai at him. "Hiraishiin (Flying Thunder God). Kagame managed to dodge the punch, but got a deep cut from his sensei's sword. Unfortunately, now both his hands and feet were stuck in the syrup. Channelling chakra, he escaped the syrup, and punched his sensei into the syrup. He then attached an explosive tag to the head, and jumped away. IN his rush, the Hokage had forgotten about Hiruzen. The bo staff shattered his leg. As Hiruzen charged, Kagame performed one of his most powerful techniques. "SUSANOO (God of Storms)!" As the chakra construct rose high, it lifted Hiruzen, ripped his head off, and stomped on it./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"As Sasuke followed in pursuit, twelve eyes watched him. One said, "Well, well, things are going to plan."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasuke raced forward, determined to stop the Sand siblings. emOh shit!/em he thought, emThey're strong. /emSix ninja landed around class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The blue-haired guy said, "WE…/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The redhead woman said, "are the…"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The six-armed one said, "Sound Ninja…"br / /span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The fatass said, "Four!"br / /span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"One of the guys in the back said, "First of all, Jirobo, you retard, there are six of us. Secondly, you guys don't need to do that stupid dance introduction./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"He then turned to Sasuke, "Kid, we're taking you to Lord Orochimaru, let's go."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The Uchiha glared back, "Fuck off"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The fatso charged at him, but before he could reach another ninja jumped front of him, and kicked him away./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Go Sasuke." said Itachi. "Stop Gaara."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"As Kimimaro and Jugo tried to follow Sasuke, yet another ninja jumped in. It was Kisame. "Why did this dumb invasion have to happen? I was about to buy a dog shark!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The Sound Ninja Four became increasingly infuriated with their foe. The Uchiha kept dodging every single one of their attacks. Finally they began transforming into their full cursed seal forms. Itachi's eyes widened, as he saw their chakra levels soar./span/p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The first to attack was Kidomaru: he fired arrow after arrow at Itachi, who kept dodging. Then Jirobo raced in: "Atsuen Yama (Rolling Mountain)" Boulders began rolling down towards Itachi. Itachi switched on his Sharingan; then he charged up Chidori to destroy the boulders, and charged towards Jirobo. Unfortunately, Sakon jumped in, and threw kunai at the Uchiha. The prodigy pulled out his sword, and deflected it. Then, Tayuya began playing her flute. Three strange spirits raced towards him. He began dodging these in addition to the other Sound Ninja. He pulled out some shuriken and threw them at Kidomaru. The sound ninja smirked, and dodged them. His joy was short-lived, as Itachi pulled wires, wrapping the spider guy in strings. "Katon: Ryuka (Fire Style: Dragon Flame)" The ninja was burned to a crisp. Next, Itachi turned his attention to Sakon. He formed the bird seal, and yelled, "Suiton: Suiryuudan (Water Style: Water Dragon Bullet)". As the dragon shot towards Sakon, he yelled, "Kuchiyose no Jutsu: Rashomon (Art of Summoning: Rashomon)". The dragon just dented the gate. AS the gate disappeared, Itachi appeared in front of Sakon, and tried to stab him. But, the ninja split into two. They then began attacking Itachi, and he was pushed back. Next was Tayuya, who somehow yelled, while playing her flute, "Mateki Mugen Onsa (Demon Flute: Chains of Fantasia)" Itachi smirked as chains wrapped him in the genjutsu. He yelled, "Genjutsu Gaeshi (Illusion Reflection)" Tayuya was enveloped in her own genjutsu, and Itachi took her head off. Next was Jirobo, taken down with a Tsukiyomi. Finally, Sakon was grabbed from behind by a shadow clone which then exploded./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Jugo laughed maniacally as he charged towards Kisame. As he tried to punch Kisame, the former Mist ninja pulled out Samehada, to block the attack. Jugo's joy was short-lived. emWhat the,/em he thought emMy energy is going…./em Kimimaro jumped forward, and pulled his teammate backward. "Jugo be careful. That guy's sword can absorb chakra." Jugo growled in anger. Kisame then began his attack. He sliced forwards with his swords, and his opponents leaped apart. He swung his sword towards Kimimaro, who sprout a bone to block the sword. Kisame then backflipped, to avoid Jugo's punch. He formed a few hand seals, and yelled, "Insho Tekina Same (Striking Shark)". A large shark fired towards the duo; Jugo formed hand seals and yelled, "Deiheki (Mud Wall)". The shark dissipated, but cracked the wall. Jugo received a deep cut to his chest, as a water clone popped out of the water, and attacked. From behind Jugo, Kimimaro yelled, "HOne Dangan (Bone Bullet)", and bones cut through the clone. Meanwhile, Kisame watched in interest as Jugo's cut quickly healed. emInteresting /emhe thoughtem I'll need to kill him, or he'll just keep healing/em. He formed two water clones, and before his enemies could react, both of them were trapped in water prisons. They both tried to pummel out, but Kisame had overcharged the prisons, and they were extremely strong. The original Kisame stepped forward, and said, "Kuchiyose no Jutsu (ARt of Summoning)" A swarm of sharks ate Jugo. Then, he turned back, only to see Kimimaro having escaped. "Oh well. Atleast I can buy my shark now."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasuke stared at the enormous monster in front of him. Gaara's teammates had run away, and now he had to face an obese raccon. With anger-management issues. Sand kept shooting towards him, and it was taking all of his strength to keep dodging. From what Itachi had told him, he had to punch Gaara to stop him. The only problem was that the redhead was enclosed in sand. Shukaku yelled, "Suna Shuriken (Sand Shuriken)" A massive shuriken of sand shot towards Sasuke; he leaped out of the way; a mistake, as Shukaku had been guiding him there. The yellow sand now proceeded to smother Sasuke. He yelled, "Chidori Nagare (Chidori Stream)", and the sand exploded. Sasuke's Sharingan whirled, and he raced forward, dodging all the sand. He pushed his arm forward, and the largest Chidori ever seen was formed. "CHIDORI!". The blade sliced through the Tailed Beast, and kept going, until he reached Gaara, who he kicked in the face. The redhead suddenly woke up, and screamed "I'm awake Mother!". The two ninja crashed to the ground. The invasion had ended./span/p 


	14. A New Beginning

p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasuke and Gaara lay on the ground staring at each class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""How…how are you so strong?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasuke managed to straighten up, and say, "Because I have friends to protect."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Itachi appeared next to the two ninja. "Yeah, it's me bitches."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Gaara feebly nodded, and lay down, as Kankuro and Temari landed next to him. "I'm sorry."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Temari and Kankuro looked at each other. Suddenly, the kunoichi punched Gaara. "YOU BETTER BE!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"When thinking back to that day, Gaara realised he had learned something very important, something crucial to survival in the world. Never annoy your older sister./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Itachi sighed, and then said, "Okay, okay, go back to your village. Have a nice day." He picked up his younger brother, and leapt back to class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto, Haku, and Karin, stood in front of a group of Sand Ninja. Behind them were some school children. The Sand Ninja grinned wickedly. Just some children. No problem. They were soon proven wrong. Naruto raced at the ninja. He dodged every attack thrown at him, and landed some deadly attacks of his own. He quickly formed a hand seal and yelled, "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Art of the Shadow Doppleganger)" Four other blonde ninja were formed, and they pulled out kunai, to battle the ninja. Meanwhile, more ninja attacked Haku and Karin. As Karin formed hand seals, Haku engaged them. She then leaped back, as her friend yelled, "Dokugiri (Poison Mist)". A purple mist wafted towards the ninja, and as they jumped backwards, Haku yelled, "Futon: Daitoppa (Wind Style: Great Breakthrough)". The wind forced the mist faster towards the Sand ninja. They dropped dead. As another ninja attacked from behind, Haku pulled back her friend, and swung her into the ninja. There was a loud crack as his jaw shattered. Then leaped in a new ninja. He sneered, and said, "I'm Baki. Join of the Sand." He leaped forward, and yelled, "Futon: Kazeken (Wind Style: Wind Sword)" Out of nowhere came Naruto, and he yelled, "Katon Goukyaku no Jutsu (Fire Style: Grand Fireball)" The fireball absorbed the wind blades, and become even larger. Baki smiled, he stepped aside. His smirk disappeared, as eight senbon were fired at him. He managed, to doge seven, but the eight paralysed his class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"He growled at Haku, "How did you see me through the fire?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Karin smiled, "She didn't see you. I told her where to shoot. I'm a sensor."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Further conversation was prevented by Naruto, who came in with his sword, at immense speed, due to the lightning coursing through his legs. Baki screamed like a little girl, and began leaping about like a demented frog. Out of nowhere came Karin, trying to stab Baki. The join grabbed her hand. That was all the time Naruto needed. He pulled out his chakra string, and attached them to Baki. The sand ninja was pulled backwards, and Naruto kicked him in the balls./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""AAAGGHH, WHAT ABOUT THE BRO CODE?/?!"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto's simple response was "I'm not your bro." Baki was then sent flying with the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"As more ninja, came, an Akatsuki member leaped in front of them./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""LET US SHARE IN THE ULTIMATE PAIN FOREVER!"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"It wasn't the first time Naruto was worried about the mental condition of Akatsuki members./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"emOne week later…/em/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The trio walked towards the Hidden Sand Village, disguised as peasants. They were unnoticed by the guards, who dismissed them. They lay in weight for their prey./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The Kazekage walked by his children. As usual, he was scolding them. One of the trio leaped out, and yelled, "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"As Rasa saw his older brother for the second time in a week, he yelled, "OH SHIT!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The guards leaped, forward, but Sasori's teammates quickly defeated them. "Wow, the Sand Village sure has shit ninja." said Naruto./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasori smiled, and said, "Let's get down to business. Gaara, will you come to the Akatsuki with us?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""HOw do you know my name?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Well, I'm your uncle. You can see the family resemblance, since we are both super handsome. Just answer the question."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Um….okay. Wait, Sasuke, you're here too?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Obviously."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I'll come, but can I bring Temari and Kankuro."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto asked, "Who?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""My siblings."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Hey… Gaara isn't leaving. As Kazekage I forbid him from doing so!" screamed Rasa./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Four pairs of eyes turned to him. Four voices said simultaneously, "Did anyone ask for your opinion?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""But…But…"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasori slapped Rasa away with his sand./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Okay, lets's go."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Okay, so these are the sleeping arrangements. Gaara, Sasuke, Naruto, Kankuro, you're sleeping in this room. Temari, Haku, and Karin, you're sleeping in that room." said Pain./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Deidara sighed, "You could have just said boys in that room, and girls in this room."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Pain stared at him blankly. "It's boys in this room, and girls in that room. Get your English right."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Their argument was interrupted by Kankuro screaming. Sasori was trying to pull of his mask. "NO…STOP!"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Why do you want this dumbass mask? You look like a cat-human hybrid on drugs! Besides, I don't want to be known as the uncle of the cat makeup guy!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Temari pulled out her fan, and slapped Kankuro, screaming, "LISTEN TO YOUR ELDERS!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""O-O-O-Okay" he whimpered./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Temari gave him one last glare, and walked off with Karin and Haku./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto yawned, "Well, I'm going to sleep."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"This left Kankuro with Sasori and Jiraiya. HE stared at Jiraiya for a while, and suddenly seemed to recognise him. "Wait, aren't you the guy who wrote those Icha Icha books?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Following a stupid dance introduction, Jiraiya screamed, "I AM THE GALLANT JIRAIYA, THE MAN WHO WOMEN SEE IN THEIR DREAMS ALL NIGHT." Tsunade came out of nowhere, and punched him on the back of his head screaming, "NOT DREAMS, NIGHTMARES!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Kankuro looked in awe at the Sannin. "I love your books! They're so good! I love all the sex scenes!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""You're a true intellectual", smiled Sasori, "Want to come with me and Jiraiya to the onsen? To spy on bathing women?"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""HELL YEAH!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara sat in the bedroom, playing a board class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""It's nice to have people my age around. I was going mad with these insane people here."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Right on cue, Deidara screamed, "ART IS AN EXPLOSION!" as he blew up a Zetsu clone./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Sasuke smiled. "It's nice seeing my brother again."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Gaara was also happy. "By going on missions, I can find more people to feed to Shukaku, and keep the obese racoon happy."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto stared at him in worry. "ARe you sure Shukaku is mentally alright?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"******/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The trio of girls giggled, as they spoke about the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Sasuke is so cute." smiled Temari./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Hey, Temari, can you help me get close to Gaara?" asked Karin./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Temari laughed and said, "Well, first Kankuro will have to teach him how to talk to girls."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Karin looked at Haku, and said, "Hey, Haku, when are you going to ask Naruto out?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Haku blushed, and said Karin, "Don't speak so loudly!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Author's Note: Would explain S M clothing? And what's Sasuke bashing? Also, the next chapter is three years later./span/p 


	15. Red Moons Vs Salamander

p class="p1"span class="s1"emThree years later…/em/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Three ninjas stood before the vast army of ninja from Amegakure. In front of them all was Hanzo, the ninja famed to have defeated the Sannin, all by himself. One of the three said, "So, who wants to go against Hanzo?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Another of the three said, "Let's do roshambo."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"After a quick match, the second of the three had won. "Haahahhaha, you guys get boring fights."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The second charged towards Hanzo, pulling out his sword simultaneously. As sword clashed against kusarigama, he smiled, and said, "Hello Mr. Salamander, my name is Uchiha Sasuke, and I'm going to kill you."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Hanzo smirked, and said, "A bit overconfident, aren't we? He pulled out a kunai, and scratched his side. The poison wafted to Sasuke, and he dropped dead. Then, he exploded into smoke./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"emA shadow clone, huh?/em thought Hanzo./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The real Sasuke walked out. "Now let's get to the real deal." Saying, this he formed seals, and yelled, "Chidori Nagare (Chidori Stream)!" The lightning raced through the ground towards, Hanzo, who leaped aside, and yelled, "Katon: Goka Meka (Fire Style: Fire Annihilation)" A enormous fireball flew towards Sasuke, who body-flickered out of the way. Hanzo swung his kusarigama, and Sasuke was forced to block the scythe with his sword. Hanzo then dashed forward, and tried to kick him in the face. The two then leaped back. Sasuke pulled out a shuriken, threw it, and yelled, "Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu" Hanzo pulled out his scythe, and deflected all the shuriken. He then formed a few handseals, and yelled, "Kuchiyose no Jutsu: Art of Summoning!" A massive salamander roared, as it charged towards Sasuke, who had switched on his Sharingan. The salamender tunnelled through the ground, while Hanzo screamed, "Doton: Sabako (Earth Style: Burrowing Mole" Sasuke tracked the salamander travelling through the ground, and leaped aside, as it broke out of the ground. Out of Ibuse's mouth came an ocean of purple poison. Sasuke leaped aside, and yelled, "Chidori Surodoi Yari (Chidori Sharp Spear)" A spear of lightning fired from his hand, anFd struck the enormous salamander, which blew up in smoke. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" screamed Ibuse./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Hanzo stood back. Never had he met such a powerful young ninja. He might have to take off his mask, but it would be a big risk. The young ninja could take advantage of his weakness. He sighed mentally, as he took of the mask. Sasuke's's Sharingan whirled, and he noted the poison wafting from his mouth. If he got too close, he would die, but there was no way he could dodge all of Hanzo's kusarigama attacks. It was time to go full force. "MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN" As the super doujutsu whirled, he thought back to his first experience with his super class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"emSasuke stared at all the dead bodies, the ones he had killed. The blood poured out their bodies, and his sword was stained red. He felt like a monster. Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his eyes, and he collapsed to his knees, screaming. Within a second, Itachi had appeared next to him. Looking into his younger brother's eyes, he was pleased to notice a pair of Mangekyou Sharingan. But his brother was obviously in great pain, and Itachi carried him away./em/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"As Hanzo swung his kusarigama, Sasuke ducked, and a skeletal arm grabbed the weapon. As Hanzo was thrown towards Sasuke, a skeletal sword punctured Hanzo's poison sac. As the poison left Hanzo immobilised, Sasuke pulled out two kunai, charged lightning chakra into them, and threw them at the dictator of Amegakure./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The Ame ninja were having a hard time fighting the two siblings. Kankuro and Temari were covering each other's weak points. Another ninja threw needles, in the air, and yelled, "Hariame (Needle Rain)" The needles fired towards Temari, who swung her fan, and yelled, "Futon: Kamaitachi no Jutsu (Wind Style: Wind Scythe)" The needles were flung away, but Temari was left wide open, as several ninja charged at her. Her brother came to her rescue "Ningyo no Odori (Dance of the Puppets)!" A few puppets were flicked forward, and shredded the enemy ninja into little pieces. Temari leaped back, and yelled, "Kuchiyose no Jutsu (Art of Summoning)" A small weasel popped up, and the remaining Rain ninja scoffed at it, but they were soon killed. The duo formed seals, and yelled, "Futon: Kaze Shokehi (Wind Style: Wind Barrier)" The Ame ninja tried desperately to escape, but were murdered by Kankuro with his "Jisatsu Ningyo (Suicide Puppet)" They quickly blew up the remaining ninja. Kankuro screamed, "DON'T FUCK WITH US!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Gaara lay in wait for his prey. As twenty Iwa ninja leaped through the trees, he began his hunt. Within a flash, sand fired through the ninja, including the leader. Gaara smiled. His smile disappeared, as the leader broke into pieces of stone. The real one now popped out. Gaara almost laughed himself out of the tree. This guy looked like an overgrown baby! His laughter ended as the leader yelled "I AM AKATSUCHI!" Gaara leaped out of his tree, and said, "Why would I give a shit?" Akatsuchi began crying. As Gaara raised an eyebrow, he suddenly turned around, and threw a shuriken at Gaara, expecting him to be caught by surprise. The sand shot up, and deflected the shuriken. Then, it shot towards Akatsuchi. Akatsuchi formed a few hand seals, and yelled, "Doton: Doton Akuma (Earth Style: Earth Demon)" Four massive beings of stone rose out of the ground, and ran at Gaara. They resisted his sand attacks. As Gaara was occupied, Akatsuchi leaped out of the ground, and slashed his neck. Sand poured out of his wound, and Akatsuchi realised it was a sand clone. The sand wrapped around Akatsuchi, but using his immense strength, he cracked out of the sand. He soon realised he had bigger problems. Gaara had enclosed the golems with sand, and was sending them towards him. Akatsuchi leaped into the air, and punched through the golems. Vulnerable in the air, Akatsuchi's eyes widened, as he saw Gaara form a few hand seals, and yell "Suiton: Suiryuudan (Water Style: Water Dragon)" A large watery dragon flew at Akatsuchi, and he had to form an earthen shield to block it. As the shield blew apart, he saw a large hand of sand reach out for him. It grabbed him, and smashed him into the ground. As he was lifting Akatsuchi for the second time, Akatsuchi held on to the ground, and spun himself away from the ground and the sand. Akatsuchi panted, and in worry thought about Gaara. emHe may even be as good as Tsuchikage-sama I should retreat/em. Akatsuchi body-flickered away. When Gaara was sure he had disappeared, he began giggling, as he took out his hidden camera. He laughed even louder when he saw Akatsuchi's face on the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""Halt." ordered Kurotsuchi, and the twenty shinobi stopped in their tracks. "I feel a prescence."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"As soon as those four words were uttered, utter chaos began. A red-haired kunoichi leaped into the air, and into the crowd, yelling, "Inseki Ashi (Meteorite Foot)!" The only person who managed to escape was Kurotsuchi. Everyone one else went flying. The newcomer stared at her opponent, and then charged. The two first engaged in a battle of taijutsu. Kurotsuchi soon discovered that she would have to stay far away to avoid her enemy's powerful strikes. She kneed Karin in the stomache, and leaped back, yelling, "Yoganton: Seisekkai (Lava Style: Quicklime) A greyish substance shot towards Karin. Meanwhile, Kurotsuchi performed another jutsu "Suiton: Mizu Judan (Water Style: Water Bullet)" Bullets fired from her mouth, and hardened the quicklime into cement. Karin simply stood there, and was covered. Kurotsuchi smirked. Her battle was won. The erroneous statement was proven wrong, as Karin charged from behind, and managed to graze Kurotsuchi's neck. "Now we're even". Kurotsuchi grimaced, and kicked her opponent in the face, who used a quick substitution. She leaped back, and threw a few shuriken as a distraction. Karin dodged, and ran forward. As Kurotsuchi shot a fireball, Karin leaped over it, and next to her opponent. Before Kurotsuchi could react, Karin yelled, "Doton: Doki Shokehi (Earth Style: Earth Barrier)" The earth rose to encase both of hem. The space was so small, that Kurotsuchi had no choice but to fight, as there would be no time to escape. Karin charged at her, and began attempting to kill her. Kurotsuchi was forced against the wall, and quickly, she began a genjutsu. As Karin was disoriented, Kurotsuchi escaped the dome, and Karin just watched her retreat./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"******/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The air became cold, as ice formed; the Iwa ninja froze. Literally, as they became blocks of ice. The only one safe was the leader, who had quickly protected himself using chakra. He saw a girl standing in front of him, and he leaped aside as she threw senbon at him. This proved to be a distraction, as she used the small window to form quick one-handed seals. The air became even colder, as icy mirrors formed around the leader. As Haku shot around him, striking him with senbon, he gained small scratches on his body. He attempted to dodge, but there were too many senbon. His only chance was to break the mirrors, and escape this icy prison. He leapt to the nearest mirror, and yelled, "Jokiton: Futto Ken (Steam Style: Boiling Fist)". His fist became encased in steam, and he easily escaped the dome. The ice barrier collapsed, and Haku formed more seals. "Hyoton: Kori Bunshin (Ice Style: Ice Clone)" About twenty clones formed from the broken shards of ice, and the charged at the Iwa ninja. Meanwhile, Haku formed more handseals, and yelled "Kokuangyo no Jutsu (Genjutsu: Infinite Darkness)" Her opponent was enveloped in darkness, and he was attacked from all sides by the ice clones. emI have no choice. /emhe thought emI'll have to use…that/em. Suddenly, the genjutsu was dispelled, and now Haku was not facing a human, but a Tailed Beast. emSo, this is Han, jinchuriki of the Five-Tails/em Haku's own demon, Yokano, a snow fox yelled in her head, "That's the one Kurama said took drugs." Haku looked at the Five-Tails, and asked, "Don't you take drugs, Five-Tails?"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The Tailed Beast growled, "First of all, my name is Kokuo. Secondly, my drug dealer disappeared after mugging me. Thirdly, Han is a weak wuss compared to me, so get ready." After roasting his jinchuriki, Kokuo leaped at Haku. There was something magnificent in the charging Tailed Beast, and for a moment Haku stood in awe. Then, she cleared her head, and began another jutsu. "Hyoton: Hyosa (Ice Style: Ice Chains)" As chains of ice formed around Kokuo, the beast began slashing at them, but even his strength was not enough. Haku momentarily stopped the chains, and Kokuo started snapping through them. The former Mist ninja began more hand seals, and charging towards Kokuo, channeled Yokano's chakra to her hand. "Bijuu Genjutsu: Fuyu Akumu (Tailed Beast Illusion: Winter Nightmare)" As soon as Haku touched him, Kokuo found himself, trapped in ice, and sinking in a sea. He struggled, but could not break the genjutsu. emWhat is this? How powerful is this genjutsu?/em Meanwhile, Han stopped the flow of chakra from his Tailed Beast, allowing him to escape. "What was that?" he class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Haku smiled, "That's my special genjutsu meant for tailed beasts. It took a lot of experimentation for that."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Han snarled. "Prepare for my special jutsu!"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"He dropped a smoke bomb, and ran./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"A few kunai dropped into the platoon of Iwa class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"One idiot said, "Hahahahaha, you missed."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The strange man shot through the platoon, killing everyone in the way. Only two were left: the leader and an old jonin, who had experienced the jutsu firsthand in the Third Shinobi World War./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""No way…this jutsu." he managed to say, before he was killed./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The leader blocked Naruto's kunai as he teleported next to him. He growled, "Who are you?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Naruto leaped back to avoid a kunai slash. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. You?"/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I'm Roshi."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The now identified Roshi formed some handseals, and yelled, "Yoton: YOgan Shokushu (Lava Style: Lava Tentacles)" Red tentacles shot towards Naruto, who leaped aside. The tentacles followed Naruto, who threw a kunai at Roshi, who dodged the attack. This was a mistake. Naruto formed some seals, and yelled, "HIRASHIN (Flying Thunder God)" He teleported to Roshi's side, and yelled, "RASSENGAN!". Rossi managed to defend himself just in time. "YOton: Yogan Yoroi (Lava Style: Lava Armour)" Nevertheless, the Rassengan blew through the defense, but its power was greatly decreased. HOwever, the Iwa ninja was still forced back a few meters. As Han swung his fist, Naruto ducked, and flipped backwards. emI have no choice, /emthought Roshi emI'll have to transfrom to full form. /emHe closed his eyes, and then opened them. Now, they were red. He suddenly began growing chakra tails. When they reached four, his main body began growing, into an enormous monkey. The monkey screamed "I'M OUT MOTHERFUCKERS!"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"He looked at Naruto, "So you're the guy who's beating the crap out of my wuss. He's my wuss. Only I can beat him up."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"He swung a fist at Naruto, who leaped out of the way. He then formed several shadow clones. As they distracted Goku, Naruto sneakily began placing about a hunderedHiraishin tags on the Tailed Beast. As Goku destroyed the last of the shadow clone. Naruto formed one hundred more shadow clones, each channelling chakra to their hands. Goku began charging at them, and at the same time, the hundred shadow clones yelled, "HIRAISHIN" and then "ODAMA RASSENGAN". The resulting blast not only destroyed the shadow clones and the beast, but about half the forest. Roshi got groggily to his feet, and ran./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"*****/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The seven ninja walked into Hanzo's castle, and immediately realised something was wrong. They followed the trail of blood, and found White Zetsu bleeding a lot. He croaked "Listen. Black Zetsu killed me, and fled with some masked man. He left that paper. All seven looked at a piece of paper with a fan on it. Seasick whispered, "That's the Uchiha clan symbol."/span/p 


End file.
